Demon's Touch
by Grumpy Greek
Summary: 'They found you beating on her Jane, beating on Dr Isles! Why... why in the world' 'I don't... I don't know, it felt like a dream, it wasn't me in that body, wasn't me controlling those hands. I didn't know anything, didn't know who I was or what I was doing... I was in so much pain and only thing I knew was that this woman was the one person in the world I feared the most.'
1. Chapter 1

**Description**

**''They found you beating on her Jane, beating on Dr Isles! Why... why in the world?!'' **

**''I don't... I don't know, it felt like a dream, it wasn't me in that body, wasn't me controlling those hands. I didn't know anything, didn't know who I was or what I was doing... I was in so much pain and only thing I knew was that this woman was the one person in the world I feared the most.'' **

**There's a gang war raging in Boston and a new street drug, Demon's Touch, is claiming more lives every day. Can Jane and Maura put a stop to this or will it put a stop to them?**

**_Authors note _**

**_So, this is my first clear thought-fanfic on Rizzoli and Isles. I've been following the show up until now and it has never dissapointed me. It's one of my favourite series out there and I think it deserves another story for it. I'm open to suggestions about how this is going to unfold but I do have some basic things planned. _**

**_I do not own these characters, I am only taking them out to play. Enjoy and please review or message_**

**_LK_**

Demon's touch

''What do you think, Maur?'' Jane asked, leaning over the body on the autopsy table, maybe a little too close to Maura.

The honey blond sighed, before turning her head to the side to steal a glance at Jane. She knew Jane couldn't help herself sometimes, like a small child she would be impulsive and she would hover all over her, asking questions throughout the whole autopsy. They were comfortable together and Jane's touch put her at ease when she was fretting but it was always odd. Maura came from a family where physical contact was encouraged only in its formal and appropriate forms. Not that it wasn't more than welcome, just sometimes... surprising. Jane might claim she was not a hugger yet she sometimes seemed unaware that it wasn't typical to press on someone's back and she would often reach during a conversation and place a hand on Maura's shoulder, allowing its weight to spread warmth that reached deep inside the Doctor. Maybe the Queen of the Dead was getting soft.

''Young female...'' She started, resting her gloved hands against the cool metal.

''I could have guessed.'' Jane cut in, gesturing at the naked body on the slab. Maura frowned at her and Jane held up her hands as a peace offering. ''Go on.''

''Hispanic.'' Maura added. Jane could have cut in to add that she could have figured that out for herself but it was Maura holding the scalpel and she thought better about it.

The Doctor run her fingers over the flesh, pale in death, over the dark bruises on the womans breasts and stomach. She paused, looking down at her thighs to find the tell tale signs of another type of abuse. Jane nodded, her eyes locking on the same pattern, deep dark bruises shaped like fingers.

''Suzie is running the rape kit through the system.'' Maura said gently.

Jane turned away as her scalpel came in contact with the girl's skin. Her face was empty and Maura resisted once again to ask her if it still bothered her, that first contact of metal on skin. She rubbed her palms without realising it and this time the ME looked up to her, their eyes meeting. Jane stopped, almost jumping as if she had been caught doing something she shouldn't have. Her hands dropped to her sides, clenched in fists.

''Is something the matter?'' Maura asked gently, careful to look away and give Jane the space she needed to answer.

''It's just hard when they're so young.'' The Detective said, before her beeper went off and she nodded before walking out of the morgue to answer.

Jane walked inside Cavanaugh's office, hands on her hips.

''What's up?'' She asked.

''What are you working on Rizzoli?'' He asked her, pulling a manilla envelope.

''Jane Doe came in a couple of hours ago.'' She said, unsure whether to sit down or remain standing. To her knowledge she had done nothing that would earn her a visit to the Lieutenant's office but one could never be sure.

''I remember the discussion we had a few weeks ago, about how useful it would be to have a specialised K-9 unit on hand.'' He said. He pulled a few photographs out of the manila envelope, belonging to three black and three Latino men. Jane cocked an eyebrow at him.

''What is this?''

''These three men are known members of the LBs, the Latin Beasts, they're the largest Latino gang in the area. They were killed this morning.'' He pointed at the rest of the photographs. ''These are members of the Black Hearts, an African-American gang. They were killed about...'' he looked down at his watch. ''Two hours ago.''

''Gang retaliation?'' Jane asked.

''Gang war.'' Cavanaugh said solemnly. ''We've received an extra emergency budget to start organising our K-9s, mostly gun and drug dogs. As we speak Homicide and Narcotics are organising an all out strike on both of the gangs, to stop this war from escalating.''

''If they're busy with us busting every crack house then they can't kill each other off.'' Jane nodded, sitting down after all.

''We're putting together a new team with members from both Homicide and Narcotics. I want you to oversee things from our side.''

''Why me?'' Jane asked, excited but weirded out all the same. ''Why not Korsak, he's got way more years of experience.''

''I need someone fit to do a lot of field work and you've been on Narcotics for a couple of years. Vince suggested we choose you, actually.''

Jane sat quiet for a few minutes then nodded. ''Okay. What's the plan?''

''Keep working with Dr Isles on the Jane Doe case. I'll keep you up to date as to when the K-9s will be arrived, probably early tomorrow. In the meanwhile wait for a phone call from the Narcotics lead. Frost and Korsak where in the LB's crime scene, take a look at their notes, then head down to the morgue and see whats going on with the Black Hearts autopsy.'' He rose from his seat and handed her the photos. ''I want those men identified and I want their killers in custody, ASAP.''


	2. Barefoot

_**Thanks for the support, we're going to see a darker side in Jane in this fic and we're going to see Maura losing control. Hope you guys are up for it.**_

_**LK**_

Chapter 2

''Jane?''

It was Maura's voice but when she opened her eyes the person leaning over her was definitely not the beautiful doctor. Rather, it was Him. Her brain knew he was dead but it seemed a worthless fact because there he was, looming over her, the light behind him making his features indistinguishable but there was no need to see him in order to know. It was like she had developed some kind of sixth sense when it came to this man, some primal part of her brain that responded to fear and alertness, her subconscious knew him. He laughed and drove the scalpel deeper into her left hand.

''Jane?'' Maura's voice called again.

Jane groaned, the sound deep in her throat, forced to come out like a growl and when she opened her eyes it was indeed Maura looking down at her.

It took a few minutes to make out her surroundings, she was in her apartment, her legs under her had gone numb. When had she fallen asleep?

She noticed for the first time then a hand squeezing hers and when she looked down she saw that her nails had left perfect imprints in the soft flesh of Maura's palm. She pulled away as if burned and looked up to the Dr.

''Jesus, I'm sorry...'' She muttered under her breath, getting her legs under her in order to find her balance. They were both still lying on the couch, the movie end titles were playing on the TV screen opposite her. What had they watched? She wondered fruitlessly.

''It's okay...'' Maura knew better than show the discomfort she had felt. She reached to run a thumb over Jane's palm but the Detective pulled away then muttered another soft apology, drawing her hands in her lap, rubbing the matching scars harshly.

''Another dream?'' The Dr asked and Jane sighed, walking to the window and opening it, breathing in the clean air.

Maura didn't give up, knowing the silent treatment was just another routine between them and she walked up to Jane. With her heels off their height difference was strikingly apparent but it never made her feel small, Jane never made her feel vulnerable, not even now when she gently reached a calloused hand to trace the faint mark of Hoyt's scalpel on the perfect skin of the Dr's neck.

''Sometimes...'' She started saying, her fingers trailing lower to Maura's shoulder which her loose t-shirt left bare. ''Sometimes Hoyt crawls in my head so far I'm not sure the thoughts in there are all mine.'' She let her hands drop, turning her face to the window so the chilling Boston air would wake her up completely. She was afraid of this haze when she wasn't quite herself, too far gone in those dreams where she would kill and maim people faceless and nameless. She never wanted to let those dreams seep into reality, it would be terrifying. She had always been so careful to not let Maura be around her while she slept, how had she made this mistake this time?

The Doctor leaned against the wall, monitoring Jane's needy breathing, as if the Detective was breathing in the darkness, the night itself. The Detective's eyes held a different light, different than any other time Maura had seen her. Dead, cold eyes. Jane was her co-worked but more than this, Jane was her friend, her best friend. Her only friend. The only person who took the time to show her the world, show her life through her own eyes.

Jane closed her eyes, leaning against the window heavily. ''Son of a bitch.''

''Jane?'' Maura tried again.

The Detective rolled her shoulders, as if some invisible breeze was going through her body and when she opened her eyes she was smiling, back into warm and funny Jane. ''Yes, Maur?''

''Do you want to talk to me? About... Hoyt?''

Jane looked away, sighing. ''What is there to talk about, Maura?'' She held up her scarred palms. ''You've seen my hands.''

''Jane, you were alone with him for three hours.'' Maura whispered. ''A lot can happen in three hours.'' She said softly.

Jane crossed her arms over her chest and frowned. ''It happened a long time ago, you can't expect me to remember everything.'' She offered Maura a forced grin. ''Could you go over the autopsy results with me one more time? For the Jane Doe?''

The Doctor let out a small sigh and reached for the stack of pictures. Jane sat eagerly next to her on the sofa and Maura handed her the first picture.

''Look at those scars.'' She said, running her fingers over a picture of the girl's back.

''They're old.'' Jane stated quietly.

''Yes.'' Maura confirmed, reaching for the autopsy report. ''When we found her she was malnourished and she had extreme vitamin deficiency.'' She reached for another picture of the victim's thighs and Jane thought she'd point out signs of sexual abuse but Maura was showing her something else.

''Look at those... they're healed puncture points.''

''She was a junkie?'' Jane set the picture on her knees, examining it carefully.

''Looks like she was a user, yes.'' Maura tried to reach her friends eyes but Jane was now focused completely on the picture.

''What was she using?'' The Detective asked.

''That's what's been bothering me. I found no traces of any common recreational substance. I'm having Suzie run a broader search tonight.'' She shuffled through the pictures and she couldn't but notice that Jane's eyes had left the photographs and were focused on the Doctor's hands. She chose to let it go and presented another picture. ''The cause of death was myocardial infraction.''

Jane looked at her blankly.

''A heart attack.'' Maura waved the last picture. ''Take a look at this.''

Jane let her gaze wander across the paper. ''What happened to her feet?'' She asked, taking a look at the torn soles of the woman's bare feet.

''She had no shoes on when we found her.'' The Dr rose, walking to the kitchen and opening the fridge. ''Forest Hills, close to the cemetery.''

''Torture?'' Jane followed.

''No, I don't think so. I found thorns and traces of pine in the cuts, looks like she run through the woods for some time.''

''Barefoot?'' The Detective leaned against the counter. ''You don't run through a forest like this barefoot unless someone is chasing after you. And how does a woman so young suffer a heart attack? Did you find any traces of a heart condition?''

Maura shook her head and jumped as her phone rung. She spoke in a hushed tone for a few minutes and when she hung up there was a frown in her soft features. ''I have to go, Suzie found something.

''I'm coming with you, I want to see the body again.''

_**Reviewing makes a writer happy, please take a minute to offer an opinion, even if its just a pair of words.**_

_**Lk**_


	3. Skin Hunger

_**So, thanks for all your reviews and follows. I am indeed trying to make these chapters longer **_ _**but I prefer uploading more often so I'll keep them between 1.500-2000 words from now on. I hope you guys enjoy this.**_ _**Lk**_ -

* * *

Chapter three Skin Hunger

''I am hunting you. I cannot hear you running but I can feel you running ahead of me. I can smell your anxiety, your fear and it only makes me more excited to chase you.'' Jane's voice reached a dangerously low rumble. Fluid goosebumps rattled Maura's spine as Jane circled her again.

She felt like a gazelle and the look on Jane's face was predatory. The intensity could have been translated as sexual but there was definitely something more in the Detective's eyes. Something close to hunger and danger. ''You are important to me, important enough that I'm willing to chase after you...'' Jane continued, her eyes burning, calculating. She was looking at Maura but she wasn't really looking at a human being, just prey. At that moment she was the reason their unidentified victim had run barefoot through the woods.

Maura felt the energy radiating from Jane, something so dark and tainted that chilled her to the core. Somehow she was aware that despite the familiar face in front of her it wasn't Jane she was seeing. She took a step closer but it seemed to provoke her because suddenly her wrists were captured in Jane's palms and with a simple twist of her body the Detective had her trapped against the wall.

The grip wasn't painful but the body trapping hers was bigger and constricting. She had always known Jane was stronger than her but she had never realised just how much that all it took to hold her down was just her presence. Suddenly Maura felt strong and afraid even though she logically knew she shouldn't be.

''J- Jane...'' She muttered and it did the trick. Jane let go of her completely and the shadow of her body over Maura's switched from being confining to comforting. They both let out a ragged breath they had been holding and avoided eye contact while Jane trailed her fingers down the Doctor's arms like unobtrusive, apologetic ghosts, trying to offer the comfort they almost stole just minutes ago. Maura felt her body react and push against Jane, wanting, needing more contact but still afraid to look Jane in the eye, afraid she'd be lost in those dark bottomless pools.

This was how Suzie found them, in silent communications, their bodies swaying as if in a sychronised choreography, like leaves in a slight breeze. The criminalist sensed the hum of tension in the air and cleared her throat to alert them of her presence. Jane didn't jump at the sound, rather took her time lowering her hand to her side and it took Maura several seconds to break free of what seemed to be Jane's spell and finally face Suzie.

''Yes?'' She said, smoothing her scrubs. She was aware of Jane right behind her.

''I found traces of another DNA on the victim.''

''Our killer?'' Jane said quietly, her voice still holding some of the unspoken threat it had before.

''I don't think so, the DNA was on some blood we found on the victims clothes. It belongs to a close blood relative, I'm running it through the system but I'm not expecting any hits.'' She turned to go but Jane called her back.

''How long before her death was she...'' She paused, trying to find a comfortable word. Fortunately the more composed and calculating Criminalist offered the answer for her.

''She was assaulted less that an hour before she died.''

Jane nodded. ''Thank you.'' Suzie left and the two women looked at each other.

The Detective resumed her narration of the crime but keeping a good distance from Maura this time.

''I have just... raped you.'' She said, her words taking the quality of a growl but she was looking down at the body of the victim. ''And now you're running, I cannot allow that.'' As if pulling on a glove Jane wasn't there anymore, someone else speaking through her. ''You're mine, you will always be mine. I cannot let you leave, who do you think you are?'' Her voice lowered to a whisper and she cleared her throat, turning to the victim.

Unlike Suzie's quiet entrance Frost strolled inside noisily and Jane whipped her head to him, allowing some of that anger seep into her features then softened her face when she saw it was partner.

''What you got?'' She asked and he waved a file at her.

''I got an ID.'' He said, mildly confused with Jane's attitude. He decided to let it slide, gesturing towards to body. ''Her name is Jill Ramirez, foster child, age 16. She went missing two years ago in LA, but listen to this, she went missing with her older sister, Maria, age 17.''

''Shit.'' Jane said with feeling and grabbed her blazer, rushing past a very surprised Frost. She paused at the door and reached for him, grabbing his shoulder and pulling him through it. ''We found Maria's blood on the body, she could still be out there in the woods.'' She looked down at her watch. ''It's already been twelve hours since we found Jill, Maria could still be alive.''

''Shit.'' Frost grumbled, as if in answer to Jane's previous exclamation.

Maura reached for her coat and called out. ''Jane, give me one minute to change, if she's still alive with this temperature she'll probably be hypothermic. Jane looked back and forth between the two of them, unsure. ''Jane, I'm a doctor! I could help!''

The Detective nodded, unsure if Maura could really change in one minute. Yet she started giving Frost instructions.

''Organise a search party and have an ambulance meet us there.'' She ordered calmly and he nodded, bringing his phone to life and walking briskly down the corridor. The urgency of their words must have really spoken to Maura because the Doctor was dressed and ready when Frost disappeared round the corner. Jane acknowledged her with a curt nod of the head and they rushed to Jane's car.

The drive there was quiet, Jane's knuckles white against the wheel, her body half thrust forward with impending energy. Maura could hear her strained breathing, see her biceps quiver under her button-down shirt. Jane's presence did not make her nervous but she could feel the static in the air, like she would be able to breathe in the intensity in the air. She knew this was, of course, literally impossible, but Jane felt like a live wire, or rather, she felt like a precipice. Jane was that feeling a person gets standing on the edge and wondering what jumping would feel like. Maura wanted to jump head first and get lost in that sensation.

The car came to an abrupt halt. A couple of police cruisers where already there, massive floodlights penetrating the darkness. Jane reached for a torch in the glove compartment and handed another to Maura. ''Wait for the search team.'' She said and took off in a gentle jog through the tree lines. She wanted to call after Jane, because she was suddenly cold without her but she knew it would be best. Jane wanted, needed to run, she understood that the rush of endorphins would make her feel better rather than waiting around for the rest of the people. Frost could lead the teams himself, if needed. She waited another ten minutes but she grew impatient also. An ambulance approached then stopped next to the police officers.

She felt she wasn't needed at that place anymore and she started walking towards where Jane had vanished. Jane was what made her world real, made it more than just anatomy manuals and dead bodies. It had been so terrifying to realise that she felt much more empathy, much more in harmony with dead bodies than she did with living people. Jane had changed that, Maura owed he so much. The Detective had treated her like an equal, treated her like a friend and soon she had become one. Jane had helped her understand what the word ''friend'' meant. She had accepted her as she was and never demanded change of her. Where would she be without her?

Soon she heard her voice, growing more desperate as the time passed, calling out to the missing young woman.

''Maria!''

''Maria, it's okay, we won't hurt you!''

Suddenly Maura remembered another instance, another time where she had been looking for someone so desperately she felt her heart break into pieces. When Jane had went looking for Hoyt and not returned, how much that gap felt like she had been shot, how she had lost control of her lacrimal glans. She had been so scared, she hadn't realised how much Jane meant to her until she had faced the fear of never seeing her again and the pain had brought her to her knees.

''Maria, we just wanna help you!''

Just like Jane was doing now Maura had wanted to scream until she found her, until she could hold her, touch her, make sure that she was real. She had spent her whole life without being touched, without being embraced, and the only touch she would have would be sexual but empty of love, hollow. Jane had awakened a skin hunger in her, a hunger she was unaware she had but every time she felt those scarred hands touch her skin she only wanted more, more every time. She had been so alone, so cold and detached from the world and even though she was hesitant to name it depression because she was also hesitant to recognise psychology as a science, she knew she had been sad before.

Studies showed that babies that were held in their mother's arms had lower heart rates and cried less. In Jane's arms she felt young, so much younger she thought for fleeting seconds that she was one of these content, blissful infants. She felt desperate without that new found touch, she needed Jane's body heat to comfort her, needed to feel herself engulfed in someone else, finally protected because she always felt unsafe. To feel her heart beat and her breathing synchronise in harmony, to not feel so alone.

She was so lost in thought she didn't hear the figure creeping right behind her until it was too late and she was already trapped in a strong grip.

* * *

_**So what do you people think of Maura and her skin hunger? I think she's missed physical attention so much as a child she's bound to be confused as an adult. **_  
_**Reviews feed the writer and make her happy, in an otherwise very stressful time of her life, so please give me something to smile about**_

_**LK**_


	4. Mine

Chapter four

Maura's back hit the ground hard, the wind audibly knocked out of her. The pain of the fall was immediately overshadowed by the pain of someone sitting on her chest, holding her down. She had been trapped by a man before but the body over hers was extremely small and long hair pooled over Maura's face, hair that didn't belong to her. She immediately knew that the danger had lessened, with her attacker being female, but the woman seemed to hold her down with insane ferocity. The Doctor dimly recalled how a drug user could show strength they never had before, under the influence of substances like PCP, same going for people with some mental illness.

She stopped thinking because suddenly the weight was lifted and the person seemed to levitate over her. Maura gasp and crawled backwards, enough to see that Jane was holding the young woman suspended off the ground, grasping her by her belt and the back of the T-shirt she wore. She begun to struggle, less than a full foot of the ground and Jane let go of her, her jaw set. She landed on her knees with a thump and immediately set off running.

Jane turned to the Doctor for a split second, her look question enough. Maura nodded quickly, she was okay, relatively speaking. Jane set off behind the woman. The runner in front of her was lighter and smaller but Jane had the height advantage and she was instantly matching her pace to the young woman's. She let her tired herself our, Jane was the one who had eaten that day. Soon the girl had to slow down, her breaths coming out in thick white puffs. Jane chose that minute to speed up and tackle the woman like a linebacker. Instead of throwing to the ground though she planted her foot firmly a step forward and balanced them both upright.

Maura approached them slowly, watching Jane press the girl's back against her chest, her arms pinned to her side by a strong embrace-like grip. They both struggled against each other until Jane tightened her hold and gave little room to the other woman to wiggle out.

''Maria, Maria listen to me.'' She said, keeping her voice as clear as she could. ''We're trying to help you.''

Jane recognised that Maria was going into a fight or flight mode, putting every last drop of energy she had behind the effort of escaping Jane's grip, but she couldn't let that happen. ''Maria, I'm a cop, we won't hurt you.'' Jane offered and it seemed to soothe her efforts, slowing her down a little. She run her hands up and down Maria's arms, wanting to calm her and warm her at the same time, feeling the chilled skin under her palms. She lower them both down, until they were on their knees, sensing the weariness in the smaller body. Her hold remained but it was more of an embrace than a hold.

''She's a doctor, she can help you.'' Jane said, carefully withdrawing her hands.

Maria relaxed, leaning fully against Jane. Maura watched them and she felt proud, proud of her Detective. The pronoun wasn't possessive but intimate. Jane was hers, her friend, her protector. She was proud to see this gentle side of her coming out, a side that wanted to love and protect because it immediately made her feel safe. Jane slowly removed her blazer and wrapped it around the girl's shoulders.

Maria was crying, soft weeping sounds as Jane rose and brushed past Maura, resting a hand on her shoulder. ''Take care of her, alright? I'm going to get some help.''

The ruckus in the hospital emergency room reminded Maura of the reason she preferred to work on dead people. Maria screaming, her fingers wrapped around Jane's biceps as the Detective tried to keep her down on the bed in order for the doctors to evaluate her state. Jane's head lowed close to the girl's ears, muttering word of comfort, their meaning turning meaningless but just the sound of her voice growing into the sound of solace itself.

This same ruckus though made Maura realise that if she ever found herself in a situation like this, hurt and broken, it was Jane she'd want to find next to her, feel her quiet strength, that warm energy of reassurance and safety. Jane was her safe person, in way's Constance or any previous friend or partner had never been. When everyone was terrified of her cold demeanor Jane would cheekily laugh and joke and it felt like home to Maura.

Lost in thought she didn't realise the whole process was over and the doctors and nurses were leaving, shuffling away. Jane was still talking in hushed tones and Maria was nodding. The Detective turned to Maura and called her closer.

''She wants to leave.''

''What?'' Maura asked, confused. ''She can't, she needs to stay here, where they can take of her!''

''Maur...'' Jane whispered, taking the Doctor by the elbow and walking them both to the far corner. She looked around nervously then held out her hands, palms up. ''When I was hurt...'' She said quietly. ''I just wanted to be somewhere where I felt safe. '' She knew this would touch a nerve in Maura and it did. ''A hospital is a big confusing place and even with a uni at the door it never feels safe.''

''I never felt like-''

''You're a Doctor Maura.'' Jane offered a small smile. ''For the rest of us mortals this place is full of people, doctors who know a lot more than we do and it makes her feel nervous. So many people seeing you weak, you end up thinking everyone is looking at you, imagining what you've just been through. There's all this...'' She looked away. ''All this shame.'' When she looked up at Maura again there was a deep crease of worry on her forehead, boring her eyes into the Doctor's.

Maura's jaw tightened. This was the most Jane had even spoken about how she felt after Hoyt. Then she sighed and nodded. ''But she's going to let me look after her. Okay?''

Jane nodded vigorously and they both walked back to Maria who looked at them wide eyed. The Detective offered her a small smile and the girl exhaled audibly.

''But.'' Jane said. ''Maura will be making sure you're healing properly. Okay?''

''Uhuh.'' She said, biting her bottom lip.

''And you spend at least tonight here, where they can keep an eye on you.'' Maura said firmly.''

Maria nodded but her hand reached out and locked around Jane's wrists. ''Please stay with me.'' She said breathily.

The two women exchanged a hurried look. Maura was feeling a sudden pang of possessiveness, what was this girl doing, having her hand on Jane? The Detective didn't seem to notice, just nodded. ''I do need to take your statement.'' She said in a low voice. Maura sighed in understanding. She would hate to have Jane away for the night but she recognised the necessity.

''I'm going to talk to Detective Frost, then.'' She said and Jane gave her a warm smile.

''Thanks Maur.''

Maria turned to them, her features overtaken by horror again. ''Oh my God, I forgot!'' She said, her voice rising in panic. ''Jill, have you found Jill? Is she alright?!''


	5. Violent Tendencies

Chapter five

She was ripping him apart. Her hands deep in his chest she was looking for his heart and he was still smiling, the bastard was still smiling. She wanted to kill him, find his heart and squeeze it until his eyes couldn't look back at her but then-

''Jane?''

The Detective startled awake with a sharp intake of breath through her nose. Her own heart was pounding against her chest and despite Maura trying to get her attention Jane looked down at her hands, expecting to see them caked in blood.

They were perfectly clean.

Pain shot through the identical scars in her palms and she gasped at the suddenness of it. She lost control of her hands completely as they begun to shake and she felt Maura's fingers grasp hers.

''Jane, are you alright?''

Jane huffed a reply, startled, while Maura pulled a chair and positioned herself opposite her, taking one hand between her own and massaging it gently.

''Do they hurt again?'' She asked softly and Jane nodded. ''You fell asleep in my office.'' Maura informed her.

''Sorry.'' The Detective muttered, unsure whether she meant she was sorry she fell asleep or sorry because her hands were hurting, or even sorry because she had just been dreaming about killing a man. Or maybe she was sorry that she allowed those hands, the hands that had killed a man to touch the person she cherished. She closed her hands into fists, despite the pain, not wanting to allow that contact to last any longer, afraid she would somehow contaminate, defile the doctor.

Maura looked up to her, frown deep on her face but she didn't allow the hurt to seep into her voice. ''I just finished the autopsy.'' That's right, Jane thought. Another body had been found. ''How did your interview with Maria go?''

It was six in the morning, they had both been called in middle of the night to another crime scene. ''She says she and her sister were held captive for the whole time they were missing.''

''Didn't anyone look for them?'' Maura asked, surprised, dropping her hands in her lap, away from Jane.

''They were foster kids, the family they were living with at the time did file a report but they didn't want to pursue it further. The police considered it a runaway case and eventually they stopped looking for them.'' Jane said, happy to direct the conversation to another subject. The pain was fading away. Maura nodded. For the hundredth time she realised how lucky she had been that she never ended up in the system. Sure, the way she had been raised left a lot to be desired but she could have been hurt much much worse. Sometimes it seemed that Constance had been as good a parent as she knew how to be.

''What did you find in the autopsy?'' Jane asked, rising, and suddenly she was much taller than the sitting doctor. Maura felt forced to stand up too, lessen the height difference, because it unexpectedly made her nervous.

''Cause of death was an overdose of Seventh Heaven.''

Jane looked at her in confusion.

''Seventh Heaven is a new type of hallucinogenic substance with effects similar to cocaine and scopolamine.'' She reached for a report lying on her desk and held it out to Jane. ''It was first manufactured a couple of years ago in Columbia and this is the first case of it inside the states. I went back into the first victim, Maria's sister, and I run another tox screen on her, specifically for this drug.'' She pointed to a highlighted section of the report. ''Seventh Heaven is also called Demon's touch. One of its most common effects is heart failure due to elevated blood pressure. It's called Demon's touch because users exhibit signs similar to a demonic possession. There's a solid link between perceived demonic possession and epilepsy, due to its ancient Greek origin of the word ''epilepsis'', meaning ''to be taken over by a deity.'' The root of the word ''demon'' also lies in the ancient-''

''Maura!'' Jane snapped, her head overloaded by the sudden burst of information. ''Focus!''

''Right...'' The Doctor said, shaking her head. ''My point is, Jane...'' She said carefully. ''We have a problem. Seventh Heaven might be a lot cheaper than most drugs but its side effects are deadly, not only to the user but to their surroundings also. A user might exhibit extremely violent tendencies and forces the secretion of massive doses of amphetamine, dopamine and adrenaline. The effect is similar to the state the Norse Berserkers are said to have in Norse culture-''

''Maura, to the point.'' Jane said, her voice gentler. Maura's words seemed to have urgency behind them and it was sending her into a panic.

''If we do not do something about this, people are going to die!'' Maura finally stated. ''Seems like the drug is already in the streets of Boston and people are going to die!'' She looked down at her watch. ''Two victims in less than twenty four hours, Jane.'' She looked down at her watch. ''And this is only the beginning. People might be dying as we speak.''

''Shit.'' Jane muttered, picking up her phone and jogging down the corridor. ''I'm going to talk to Cavanaugh!'' She hollered at Maura. ''We have to go public with this, and now!''

_**I know these chapters aren't crazy big but I'm trying to upload at least twice a week and I promise this fic will be finished, no matter what. **_  
_**To the point, Jane's sudden violent dreams mixed up with a dose of crazy drug can't be nice, but Maura giving a press conference warning people not to buy this drug will leave a lot of people unhappy too. **_  
_**A writers happiness is to read those lovely reviews, please keep them coming, its one of the few things I look forward too... please please?**_

_**Lk**_


	6. Electrostatic DIscharge

Chapter six

''Seventh Heaven is a public health danger. We advice health-care facilities and schools to be vigilant for signs and symptoms of substance intake. Symptoms include but are not limited to, nausea, headaches, palpitations, aggressiveness, hallucinations, extreme suggestibility and paranoia. If you or somebody else are witnessing these symptoms please call the number you see now on your screen.''

Maura's voice was clear, head hands steady in front of all the mics pointing at her face. Jane's presence was grounding behind her, helping with her social anxiety. Jane was there, Maura thought, so she would be okay, she was going to be fine. The Detective turned to her and Maura felt her heart fluttered, realising she would do anything to watch those warm eyes fully turned to her, Jane's attention solely focused on her. She would do this conference over and over again, hell, she would even try kick-boxing with Jane instead of Zumba. She allowed a gentle smile to show on her otherwise professional face as she walked away from the mic.

Jane's arm rested effortlessly on the small of her back, like it was the most natural thing in the world and for a few seconds Maura had trouble focusing on what the Detective was saying, afraid that if she stopped paying attention to the weight of Jane's hand that the comfort would disappear. She finally tuned her in.

''Yes?''

''I'm going to pick up Maria from the hospital.'' Jane hesitated briefly. ''She has nowhere to stay and I promised her I'd let her stay at my place for the night.

It was raining softly as they both slid inside the car.

''Jane...'' Maura allowed her voice to trail off. ''Why?''

Jane shrugged and the Doctor felt a pang of jealousy. She was annoyed that she even felt that way, Maria was a victim, she had seen the report, she knew some of the things she had been through, but in her mind she had thought out a quiet evening with her favourite detective and take-out. She didn't feel eager to share the attention.

Maybe it was because she never had so much attention before and it felt like if she let go it would go away. She could clearly remember the time when she had stood uncomfortably in front of Jane, afraid to look up to her and she had mumbled the words through her teeth. The Detective had embraced her, she had drawn her so close to her body that Maura had been able to feel her heart thud against hers. She had pulled away, surprised, pushing Jane away. ''Nobody has hugged me since I was ten.'' She had whispered, trying to be apologetic about what she had done, angry with herself for having done so in the first place. Jane had looked at her with puzzlement and something had broken inside her. Maura could swear her eyes were pained when she opened her arms. For a few minutes the Doctor had simply watched her, her arms spread, her palms scarred, crucified, had face pained, tortured, she looked so beautiful, like something out of a religious illustration. Then she had stopped watching and melted into her arms, willing for the warmth of her body to engulf her. That moment felt like Jane was making up for every single minute of her life that Maura had felt alone. If to experience this embrace again meant she would have to spent another thirty years untouched by any human being then she would gladly do it.

The drive to the hospital and back was quiet. Maria was mutely quiet and weak on her feet but she had not asked for help and Jane had not attempted to hold her up. Physical contact was not appreciated at the moment and the Detective wished for the young woman to be comfortable with them. She knew Maura was unhappy about Maria staying over but she was unsure why.

Walking inside the apartment she pointed Maria to the couch, letting her know she could sleep there. The earlier trickle of rain had turned into a thunder outside, wind snapping and screaming against the windows. Maura headed to the bedroom and Jane stood in the middle of the living room, watching as Maria moved the large cushions of her sofa to the floor, against the wall in the far corner of the room and proceeded to craft a makeshift bed for herself. The Detective did not comment on it. She understood the need to be close to the floor, to feel safe in the comfort that it is impossible to fall any further, go any lower, literally and metaphorically. She had felt the same way when she returned home after Hoyt, lying on the floor to cool herself in the middle of panic attacks, to feel some sense of primal safety that comes from being closer to the ground.

Maria laid down on her side, facing the wall and Jane knelt down next to her. Maura could hear them talking in low tones for quite a while, Jane trying to figure more about what had happened to her. They had been kept somewhere, they had fallen victims to a trafficking ring, dealing drugs, stolen goods. Women. Maura couldn't understand how Jane could just stand there, listening to all these terrible things, how they had broken the women, so they could control them, profit for them, how she could just stand there and listen without getting sick. Maura was suddenly so worn out, so tired, she decided to lie down.

She took her shoes off but didn't slip under the covers, or take her clothes off. She just curled to her side in the fetal position, her back feeling cold from the absence, the need of a person lying down by her side. Every time lighting struck she almost jumped out of her skin. She felt so alone, so cold and alone. A long time went by like this and she could feel her bottom lip sticking out with self pity.

She was surprised when at some point she heard the door opened. She knew it was Jane, by the weight of the shadow casted on the other wall and she heard her close the door and take her shirt of in the dark, stripping down to a tank top. Then she slid on the bed, behind Maura and brought the covers over them both. She draped an arm over the smaller body and Maura felt herself unwillingly move closer, her back flush against Jane's body, betraying the fact she was awake.

''I know you're scared of lighting.'' Jane whispered into her ear, resting her chin over her head.

''It's stupid...'' Maura said. ''It's just a simple electrostatic discharge when-''

''Shhh Maura.'' Jane said, brushing her thumb over Maura's hand. ''Just get some rest. I'm here.''

Maura obeyed, despite herself, and she fell asleep with a small smile on her face.

When Jane opened her eyes the person she was holding onto wasn't Maura anymore, but it was him. She pushed him down on the bed, straddling him. She had a scalpel in her hand and she tore his shirt open, but he was just laughing when she plunged it in his chest, blood gushing out and colouring her hands. She dragged the fine blade down, towards his abdomen, splitting him open, and she thrust her hand inside him. But when she looked up it wasn't Hoyt looking up at her but the sweet doctor, but she wasn't alive anymore, her eyes looking up at the ceiling, lips half parted.

Jane pulled both of her hands away of the body under her. She looked at her own hands and she saw the two matching gaping wounds in her palms, fresh like they had just been made, bleeding heavily down onto Maura's body.

The Detective woke with a start, her fingers reaching instinctively to check Maura's wrist for a pulse. She swung her legs off the bed, dropping her head in her palms, trying to calm herself when she realised what had actually woken her. The doorbell was ringing persistently and she was forced to grab her gun and walk to the door. She looked through the peephole but no-one was there. When she looked down on her feet she saw that someone had slid an envelope under the door.

She felt the weight of Maura's presence on her back, the doctor must have woken from the noise. Jane bent down and picked it up, opening it. Inside was a picture of Maura in the press conference that day, a large X with red marker across her face and a simple message on the side.

YOU'RE DEAD.

_**How about that uh? Chapter delivered early, just as promised. Let me know what you think about this, it really really means a lot to me. Review to feed the hungry writer. **_

_**Lk**_


	7. The middle-woman

Chapter seven

''Maura, I don't give a fuck.'' Jane huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

''Jane, language!'' The honey blond exclaimed, eyes wide.

''Maura!'' Jane reached for her shoulders and gave her a light shake. ''These people want you dead Maur!'' She lowered her voice, her eyes pleading, boring into Maura's. ''They want to kill you...''

''You didn't run away when Hoyt was after you!'' Maura threw at her, pulling away, knowing it was a low blow and Jane didn't really deserve it, but the ME was stressed and it was messing with her.

''Exactly...'' Jane said. ''Hoyt was one, one sick little son of a bitch.'' She held up the paper in the evidence bag with Maura's face crossed off. ''This is a whole organisation. The whole LB's, the Latin Gang, they're are after you, do you have any idea how many these bastards are?'' She asked, her voice even. Maura stood quiet, her eyes lowered. ''They probably outnumber the entire BPD Maura.'' She threw her hands in the air. ''They've lost hundreds of customers after your interview aired, this is thousands of dollars we're talking about, and they see it as your fault!''

''Hiding isn't the answer, I can't show them that I'm scared of them.'' The doctor said stubbornly. Her heart was thudding wildly against her chest, she was angry, so angry at Jane for thinking she wasn't strong enough to handle this. She wasn't some distraught little girl. She was a grown, accomplished woman.

''But you are scared, Maura.'' Jane said, her eyes so sad that Maura immediately regretted any anger she had felt. Now she was just cold. ''And I'm scared too.''

''S- Scared?'' Maura stuttered, caught off guard.

''I don't wanna lose you.'' Jane said quietly, looking away but when Maura didn't speak she looked up at her. ''Without you I have nothing.''

The doctor was unsure of what would be proper to say. Nobody had ever said this to her before. She had consciously known people cared, Constance cared, her mother cared, she knew Jane cared. She knew Jane would kill for her. No, Jane _had _killed for her, she had killed Hoyt so he wouldn't hurt her. But nobody was ever said those words before. So many ''I love you''s, so many ''take care''s but nobody had actually ever said that they don't want to lose her. She was left muted by the revelation, wondering what she should say in return, if she was brave enough to say all of the things that were in her head for so long. She wondered if she even had words to say, if all those thoughts and feelings could even transcribe, translate into words that could be used to communicate with another homo sapiens. For all the books she had read she really was, she realised, a very dumb genious. She also wondered what the Detective had meant exactly.

Jane didn't let her wonder any longer. She just closed the distance between them, her left hand gently cupping Maura's cheek, her right settling against her waist like it had been it's natural place since Maura had been born. Then she brought their lips together.

The kiss was heart-breakingly short and surprisingly chaste, as if Jane was scared she'd break her. It was over in a second and Maura realised she must be in one of those dreams she had and her heart fell.

''Let me take care of you.'' Jane said, her left hand joining her right on Maura's waist, staring deeply into her beautiful hazel eyes.

''Jane...'' Maura couldn't stop the first thing that came out of her mouth. It was all of the social pressure, sprinkled with a dose of her own denial. ''I'm not homosexual.'' She had to deny this dream, deny these feelings, because Jane would never, never feel this way. It would only break her heart to wish and hope, to allow these dreams to continue. She willed for herself to wake up.

Jane laughed and with that laughter still on her lips she kissed the side of Maura's mouth, the one that dimpled when she smiled. ''Neither am I.'' She said warmly, kissing the tip of the doctor's nose. ''I'm Maurasexual.''

Maura moved for a kiss, trying to at least enjoy the dream why it lasted, but Jane tilted her head out of reach, resting her chin on top of Maura's face, pulling the doctor into her arms. ''Not now, when you're so scared. I need you to think clearly about this.'' She felt the smaller body tremble against her as Maura begun to cry. Jane left a series of kisses of top of her head, holding her tight against her body, knowing she would give anything she had to protect Maura, shield her, hide her inside her embrace, hide her inside her own body if she could mold them into one. Despite herself she felt tears bite the corners of her eyes as she pleaded, over and over.

''Please Maura...'' She begged. ''Please don't try to be brave, just be alive, please just be alive for me.''

The Doctor took a step back, looking at Jane through bleary eyes. She wasn't waking up and the hands cupping her cheeks felt real, so real she could feel the scars on Jane's palm brushing against the soft skin of her face, familiar like landmarks. The realisation that this was real felt like a train had failed to brake before it crushed into her chest. She wasn't sure if she was happy, scared, excited or something else.

Jane opened her arms, trying to avoid crying. ''Please just... let me take care of you...'' She asked, her voice thick with emotion, cracking low in the effort not to break into tears. Maura wondered how a woman who after everything that had happened to her should have been broken into a miserable mess could be this... wonderful human being. Especially when she herself, growing up in such an excellent upbringing environment had ended up this cold and needy mess, unable to offer anything to another person. Then she realised that there was no need to wake up from.

She buried her face in Jane's chest, hands grasping, clenching on the material of the Detective's shirt.

Five years ago maybe she would have done it. Maybe five years ago she would have gone head on against the Latin Beasts, it was her job to do so. To serve justice, speak for the dead, speak for that poor woman lying on her slab in the morgue, used and abused. But now, now she had so much to lose. Now she saw that she never realised what she had and she was suddenly so scared of losing it all.

''It's not your war to fight, Maur...'' Jane whispered close to her ear. ''Your job here is done.'' She kissed Maura's temple one last time. ''You gave Jill Ramirez the voice she never had when she was alive. You gave her one last chance to tell her story. This is more than anyone did for her.'' She smiled sadly, happy that Maura couldn't see it. ''Let me and the guys handle the rest.''

Finally, unable to talk through the sobs Maura nodded. She didn't care that Frost and Korsak were probably in the other room, making sure it was safe, she just wanted to hold onto Jane for the rest of her life. She was a life line, a purpose. An anchor of sanity. She realised how much she needed that. Jane was like the middle-man -or middle woman- of communication between Maura and the rest of the world. The Doctor knew she would never be able to be like the others but when she was with Jane she felt for the first time, for the only time, that this wasn't something to be ashamed of. She wanted to hold onto her forever, and she did, at least until dawn came.

**_So this is a bit of fluff, I know, but I couldn't help it. Bear in mind that English is not my first language and I have no beta so if you see any mistakes, I'm sorry. I know that almost 90 percent of y'all are Rizzles fun, whether you're straight or not. I think those two look very good together, don't they? Maura and her insecurities make me smile. I hope you like this... review review please please to keep this writer happy ? :D_**

**_Lk_**


	8. Those hands that hold me

Chapter eight

She had been listening to Jane play for the better part of the morning. The old piano in her living room had gathered the dust of ages and it probably was slightly out of tune but she couldn't hear it in Jane's playing. After she had been discharged from the hospital with her palms ripped open Maura had quietly allowed her to use the old instrument to help with her rehab exercises. They had made a point of avoiding each other while she played, the doctor knew how shy Jane was, especially of her hands.

This time though she felt the need to be close to Jane grow even stronger and she had been standing in the opening of the door, leaning against the frame for at least two hours. The music seemed to reach inside her where nothing else had before.

''Maur...'' She heard Jane say, her hands brushing lightly over the keys. ''You can come in, it's your piano after all.'' Jane said finally. ''I know you've been standing there for ages.''

Hesitantly Maura approached and sat on the narrow stool next to Jane, her thigh pressed against hers she could feel the muscles tense with the tempo of the music. She watched the Detective's hands, wondering how could something so damaged make something so beautiful. She had seen Jane's xrays after the attack, the torn tendons and ligaments, she looked down at her own, perfect, unscathed hands and wondered why she couldn't do a single beautiful thing.

''I worry...'' Maura said.

''What about?'' Jane asked absently.

''The locks, will they hold? What if-''

''I'll be your lock Maura.'' Jane laughed quietly, patting the pistol on her hip holster. She stopped and turned to face the doctor. ''What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?'' She asked.

''I wish I could play like that...'' Maura whispered, her hand trailing over the keys, brushing over Jane's. The merest contact sent chills up her spine.

''This is nothing...'' Jane sighed. ''Nothing like it was before.'' She looked down at her hands sadly, closing the lid.

''But this is the Jane I love...'' Maura said and the both took in a sharp breath. She hadn't thought she had said out loud until she saw Jane's reaction. She brought her hand up to her lips. ''I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-''

''There's nothing to be sorry about...'' Jane gave her a crooked smile. ''I'm gonna go make some coffee, okay?''

Maura nodded and was happy Jane couldn't see her face when she left because tears were already starting to stream down her face, tears of frustration and a broken heart. She had told Jane she loved her, she had spoken up about the thing that weighed in her heart the most but Jane had not said it back. She wiped her eyes angrily, sniffing. Why was she crying? Crying meant she had expected something.

Two more bodies had surfaced, traces of Seventh Heaven in their system. More would come, Maura expected, but she had withdrawn from the case. She had done the cowardly thing and withdrawn, making sure she stayed alive. But why did it not feel at all cowardly when Jane walked back inside the room, offering her a cup? Why did staying alive to see Jane another day not feel in the least cowardly?

She realised that for the first time something in her life was more important than her job. Maura Isles had been in many relationships, she had allowed herself, her body to be used for someone else's pleasure, from which she rarely took any satisfaction. And when her partner would roll to the other side and fall asleep she would stay awake, looking at the ceiling, incomplete and empty. She could not understand the reason behind that, physical pleasure was just that, it should have biologically satisfied her but it didn't. With Jane, even though they weren't partners of this sort she felt surprisingly complete.

Cowering had it's benefits, she realised. She would do it again and again if she had to.

''What?'' Jane laughed.

''What?'' Maura asked.

''You zoned out a bit, you okay?'' The Detective asked, taking a sip from her cup.

''Yes, I apologise.''

The rest of the day went on quietly. Maura was watching a documentary on the hibernation of polar bears while Jane went through Pike's report from the two autopsies. She was annoying by the Doctors work, which left quite a lot to be desired but she was more than happy to have Maura out of the line of fire. In the evening Frost called her to let her know Maria -who was still living in Jane's apartment- had picked a few members of the Latin Beasts from the mug-photo book and they would do a line up early the next morning. They were going to put them under surveilance, catch them doing something illegal and use it as leverage later, hoping to get them to reveal where the drug is being distributed from. They were also trying to get in touch with Raphael Martinez, see if Narcotics had any intel. A couple of hours another call from Korsak came in, letting her know that another body with Black Hearts tattoos had been found in a park, shot to death. The gang war was still on and they had to find out what had started it and sort it before someone fucked up and innocents outside the gang got killed.

It was eleven o'clock when Jane heard an unfamiliar sound in the house. At first she thought it was Bass bumping into furniture again but she saw him perfectly still under the coffee table. Maura was upstairs, in her bedroom reading since nine and Jane hadn't heard the door open so it couldn't be her. The another sound, like a loud scratch and then finally grass breaking.

She shot to her feet, her weapon drawn out of habit. She slowly made her way to Maura's bedroom, surprising the doctor when she walked in briskly.

''Ja-'' She exclaimed, surprised.

The Detective raised a finger to her lips, shushing her. ''Someone's in the house. Lock your door and call 911.'' She said, then left the room, waiting to hear the key turn. Then she walk across the corridor, turning lights on as she went. She was calm, she was the hunter, she kept reminding herself. This was probably some thick headed lowlife who couldn't make tell ass from a hole on the ground.

She ground her teeth. The sound had come from the bathroom of this floor, how had the bastard reached it? A ladder?

She didn't have much time to think because a door to her left opened and a silhouette jumped at her. She fired blindly but the person was heavier and he took her down to the floor with her. Her head thumped against the door frame and she must have lost a few instances of consciousness because when she blinked again she was alone.

Shit. Maura.

She scrambled to her feet and sprinted to Maura's bedroom. She heard the loud crack as someone kicked the door down and she kept running, faster and faster. She came into a halt in front of the bedroom door and she finally saw him, tall and dark, Latino, looming over Maura's small frame as the doctor took step after step backwards.

Jane pointed her weapon at him then she realised her hands where empty. He had taken it with him. She had no other choice, she thrust her body forward with paused, slamming into him in full speed. The idiot had left her gun on his belt and was coming after Maura with a simple hunting knife, so Jane didn't have to worry about the pistol going off.

She heard the air whoosh out of her body as she tacked him. He was quick and slipped from her grasp before she could land a punch and when the knife slipped his hand he started running, Jane hot on his heels. She grabbed him by the shirt and he tugged at her, causing them both to tumble down the stairs, but Jane was lighter, it was much easier to shift her body so she was on top and let him take the fall. They came into a halt in the middle of the stair case and she finally landed a heavy blow on his face.

It wasn't necessary, he was already unconscious, his nose bleeding intensely from the fall.

When Jane looked up she saw Maura staring at her from the top of the staircase.

The Doctor didn't register much of the buzz of activity that followed, the red and blue lights and sirens, Frost's and Korsak's faces as they asked questions. There was only one thing on her mind, ice, Jane needs to keep ice on her head, she could be hurt. But everything was so confusing in the haze of the stress that it was 4am and she still sitting on her bathroom floor, freezing but too shocked to move.

Jane opened the door slowly, when after an hour in the shower Maura still hadn't come out. She found her naked, curled up on the floor with her back against the bathtub. She had a lot of things to say to her, mostly reassurances and things like ''be careful, they might come after you again, but we'll keep you safe.'' Yet what she saw silenced her. Instead she bent down, wrapping Maura in the biggest towel she found, rubbing her hands up and down her palms, trying desperately to warm her up. Finally she picked the smaller woman in her arms, gently as one would a sleeping child and she carried out.

She looked down at her and finally whispered what Maura had been needing to hear for years.

''I love you too Maur.''

_**not a lot of interest since last chapter, hope you havent given up on this? or maybe you didn't like Maura/Jane? Review review to help a writer pleaaaase **_

_**Lk**_


	9. Naked Butterfly

Chapter nine

The first thing she noticed when she opened her eyes was that she was completely naked. Slowly the events of the past couple of hours came back. She had had a panic attack in the shower, she had cried until she exhausted herself. Then Jane had come inside and carried her to bed like she was a toddler again. She instantly felt embarrassed, not about her nudity, the human body was only a natural thing, but ashamed of her immature behaviour.

The second thing she noticed was the small whimpering coming from somewhere on her left. At first she thought Jo-Friday was sick and she had somehow come inside her bedroom. Then she realised the sound was more human than canine and she turned to look, turning the small light on her nightstand on. She saw Jane, in the same clothes she had been before, stripped down to jeans and a tank-top, covers bunched around her feet, trapping them together.

''Jane?'' Maura asked hesitantly, placing a hand gently on the Detective's shoulder. Jane jumped, pulling away from her as far as she could go without actually falling off the bed. Her hands gripped down at the mattress and she looked around wild eyed. She only found Maura in the room but her breaths kept coming gasping and ragged.

''I'm sorry!'' She said quickly. ''I didn't mean to fall asleep, I-''

''It's.. It's okay...'' Maura said awkwardly. ''Um... are you okay?'' She asked, pulling the blanket up to cover herself, suddenly self conscious of herself under Jane's eyes. When she got no answer she turned to the Detective, calling out her name. ''Jane?''

Jane jumped, her hands spasming and tears filled the corners of her eyes. Maura reached for her palms, massaging gently but with the haze of sleep softening her inhibitions Jane's tears turned into full fledged sobs that wrecked through her.

Usually the Detective was tall, people didn't see a lot past that, just a strong, fearsome woman in a man's world, invincible, untouchable. But now, while they were both half lying down, the intimidating height difference was gone and Jane looked surprisingly vulnerable.

''Aw Jane...'' Maura sighed, pulling the Detective against her own body, bringing her arms around her, so that Jane's back was pressed against her chest. She kept working on her hands, trying to ease the tension that she realised must cause unimaginable pain to her.

''He's dead Maur...'' Jane managed to stutter, fighting for breath. ''I don't know why the dreams aren't gone, I'm so sorry-''

''It's okay Jane, just relax, it's okay.'' The Doctor was aware of Jane's skin against her own, acknowledging the contact but not receiving it as sexual. For now it was merely means to offer comfort and take comfort. Sure she was sad that Jane was so upset but she also felt a tingle of something else. Jane trusted her enough to feel safe and cry when she was there. Trusted her enough to show a kind of vulnerability she showed no-one else, not even her own mother.

She wondered if her mother -Constance- had ever held her this way and she couldn't remember. It was one of the reasons that the first time she had seen Jane cry she didn't know what to do. She had merely stood there, blinking, offering an opinion on how the lacrimal glans worked and asking whether Jane was crying because her hands hurt. This had only resulted in Jane wiping her eyes frowning and slamming the door behind her, leaving Maura alone in her office to comprehend what she had done wrong.

It had been a moment early in their relationship and their friendship and they hadn't discussed the incident afterwards. Maura had waited and she had observed the interactions of the people around her. Realisation hit her a few weeks later. Jane had been interviewing a witness, it had been a girl around the age of six, who had been found abandoned in a mall. The girl had gone on to explain to them rather innocently what seemed to be a situation of child abuse. There had been a mix up and someone had let the father in the interview room when he came by. The man had been extremely loud and hostile towards both Jane and the little girl for ''ratting him out'' and Jane had ordered two uniforms to remove him from the room. What happened afterwards was something Maura saw for the first time. The girl was crying, she had withdrawn under the interview table, refusing to come out. Jane crawled under the table with her, holding her for hours until she cried herself to a peaceful sleep in Jane's arms.

Physical contact between two strangers such as Jane and this girl would seem inappropriate to Maura, had she not seen the calming effect it had on the girl. After that incident she had begun adjusting her behaviour, and when she had seen Jane again she had pulled her into a hug. The had both stood staring into each other after they pulled apart. Maura had asked the silent question with her eyes, was this okay? Was it too much? And Jane had answered with a simple nod. It was perfect.

Jane made her feel special. And it didn't matter that she was a bit uncomfortable with Jane's weight on her, the feeling of this woman in her arms was perfect and she wouldn't give it up for the world. ''You're safe now, Jane.'' She assured.

Exhausted, Jane nodded, closing her eyes. She was spent but she found enough strength for a small smile. Her name would never sound this perfect as it had now with this woman uttering it past her lips. Maura smiled back. This was her Jane, her Detective, the one who hugged nobody else but her, touched nobody else but her. And, lately, kissed nobody else but her. For a while it didn't matter that someone wanted to kill her, she was content having Jane there.

But Maura was also angry, very very angry with the man who could terrorize the most precious person in her world from the grave. She was angry and for the first time in her life she felt the urge to cause harm to another human being. She wanted to strap him down and drive the same scalpels through his hands. The thought of violence scared her and she found comfort on the feel of Jane's skin under her hands.

When she woke up again she was lying on her side. She could her Jane breathing right behind her. She turned her head to the side slightly, to see the light coming through her bedroom window illuminate Jane's hair, making her skin look bronze with rich golden highlights. She was awake, on her side also and if Maura turned her body she would be fully facing hers. Jane reached, pulling the blanket up to their waist, it had ended up on the floor at some point during the night. The smiled comfortably at each other and Maura laid her head back onto the pillow.

She felt Jane scoot closer to her, her chest pressing against Maura's back as she pushed herself back on one elbow and leaned over, pressing a soft kiss on the doctors bare shoulder. Maura shuddered.

''God, you're beautiful.'' Jane whispered, kissing the tender spot behind her ear. She draped her arm over Maura's hips and the doctor reached, taking her hand in hers. If it was anyone else lying naked in bed with her she would feel embarrassed but with Maura she just felt the need to cover that body in kisses as tender as the small patches of light coming through the window to highlight the doctors perfect scapulas. She proceeded to do just that and Maura couldn't help but smile, because she felt like tiny butterflies landed on her body every time Jane touched her.

She gave a sound of dissatisfaction when the contact ceased and she looked up to see Jane smile apologetically as she got out of bed. ''I have to go talk to Maria, Frost is coming to make sure you're safe.'' She pulled a hoody over her top and looked back at the doctor. ''I suggest you put something on before you open the door though.''

Maura grinned widely, and pulling the covers to her chest when she sat up was more provocative than if she had just stood naked. ''We wouldn't want Detective Frost to see things he's not supposed too, eh?''

''Definitely not.'' Jane chuckled. ''Some things have to be reserved for...'' She paused searching for a word.

''Special people.'' Maura finished for her and the bell saved Jane from having to answer her.

''I won't be gone long.'' She said instead and hopped down the stairs to open.

The drive to her own apartment was deadly quiet and surprisingly short. Frost had made sure Maria was safe, a couple of uniforms stayed outside the apartment day and night and when Jane walked inside the girl was surprised.

She was still sleeping in the corner of the room, under the window on her makeshift bed and Jane didn't comment on it. She closed the door and they exchanged a silent look as Maria approached the Detective. She looked every bit the fragile and underweight young woman Jane knew she was.

''We have to talk.'' She said.

Maria looked around nervously and closed the distance between them, resting her hands on Jane's hips. The gesture was surprisingly but Jane didn't want to scare her by pulling away.

''Please.'' Maria said, reaching for the belt of Jane's jeans. ''Please don't make me leave.'' The muscles around her neck quivered but her hands where steady. ''I'll do anything.'' She forced a smile, finally getting the belt undone and moving onto the button. ''At least you're not old and ugly. Just let me stay here, they'll kill me if they find me! I'll do anything!'' Her voice grew more desperate and high pitched and finally Jane stopped her, wrapping her long fingers around the young woman's wrist and pulling them away from her.

''You can stay here as long as you need to.'' She said, trying to keep her emotions at bay, especially the anger towards the person who had made her feel she had to offer that kind of ''service'' to make sure she had a roof over her head. She stepped back, just out of reach, getting her belt secured again. ''I'm not this kind of person.'' She said, mostly because she just had to say it. It was disgusting to even thing about it. ''We need to talk about Maura.'' She said, gesturing towards the couch but they both remained standing.

She waited until Maria's breathing evened and she finally believed Jane wouldn't be taking up on her offer. ''What about her?'' She finally asked.

''Someone tried to hurt her last night.'' Jane went on to describe the man to Maria. ''Who might have sent him to do that?''

''Oh no.'' The girl whispered. ''You're friend is in trouble.''

''What do you mean?''

''The man in the hospital is Felippe Rodriguez.'' She paused, looking around her nervously as if she expected him to materialise inside the room. ''The only person who would sent him is Carlo Amaro. He's batshit crazy. '' She swallowed hard. ''If he finds your friend he won't just kill her...'' She chocked.

''What do you mean?''

_**First a thank you to all of you who have reviewed, please keep doing so it makes me smile so much in a time of my life that I need it so much. Second, about the reviewer, Dongu, who asked where we are on the time line of the show. We're somewhere in season three-four where Hoyt is dead, Maura has donated her kidney and she gets to know Hope a little better. And to the anon reviewer asking about why is Maura portreyed weak, sorry about that :D We'll get to see strong Maura soon, just like we now saw Maura studying human interactions and comforting a crying Jane. Next chapter is going to be a lot different I'm expecting but thats for another day. So, you guys, I hope you like this? Review review give love to le writer pleaze? :D**_  
_**Lk**_


	10. Had to Kill

Chapter ten

When she opened her eyes she immediately felt the need to close them again, but she forced herself to stay awake. The last thing she could remember was waking up with a naked Maura in bed with her and then talking to Maria. After this everything was a sick blur. When her mind was alert enough she registered a constant pain on her shoulders and the muscles of her arms. Then it slowly dawned to her that she was suspended off the ground, her feet barely touching the floor. Thick chains were around her wrist and with great pain she strained her neck to the side to see that blood had rolled down her wrists to her bare arms and dried in a dark brown shade.

Her breath caught in her throat as more sensations started registering. She looked down at herself and saw that her shirt was gone and she was only in her black jeans and the sports top she put on that morning, leaving her stomach and shoulders exposed. She felt pain but she couldn't be sure where from. Her torso felt like a complete open wound, the source of the pain was indistinguishable. The something else, when she tried to move her hands she almost screamed.

She looked up again and realised with horror that a scalpel had been driven through the palm of her left hand. She was awake now, her forearms shaking from the pain. She reached with her right hand, touching the handle and she pulled in one fast motion. The scalpel rolled on the floor. She had hoped that she'd be able to hold onto it and use it as a weapon but her hand did not obey. She gasped when the blade left her hand. For several minutes she just breathed through the pain. The chain was draped over a hook, similar to those in butcher shops, attached to a bar on the ceiling.

She wrapped her arms around the chains, forcing her left one to close, despite the fresh blood gushing freely and she pulled herself up. In order to keep herself fit Jane had done hundreds of pull ups and she considered herself to be in excellent shape, able to go on exercising for quite a while, but as soon as she managed to wiggle the chain free from the hook she felt every muscle on her body ceasing to work and she tumbled down on the floor.

She laid on her side, stunned at the fact she had forgotten how to stand, let alone walk. She still had the chains locked around her wrists but she wasn't trapped, yet still she was unable to move. Her heart was thudding, hammering against her chest as she tried to push herself up and she was finally able to look at herself and take in her state. Every uncovered inch of her body was covered in deep wounds, but there was so much blood she couldn't be sure just how serious they were. Then she noticed that some of the cuts seemed to have scabbed over, like they had been inflicted at least a day or so back. She tried to check the time but they had taken away her watch.

She was in a room. It was bare. There was a bed against the wall, a pair of handcuffs closed around the bed posts. The sheets were tangled and blood had seeped deep into the mattress. There were two doors, one to her left and one behind her. She could hear music coming from one of them but couldn't distinguish which. She had to get up, had to, had to fight. Had to kill, she realised. It was like one of those dreams with Hoyt, was it one of his accomplishes? She had to fight. Had to kill.

Couldn't do this, too much. She felt the muscles around her neck tense, like they'd break any time now. She couldn't breath past the pain. She just wanted to crawl into a hole and lose consciousness so that the pain would stop, but then she heard a door open and she had to push herself up, partly leaning against the wall. She made the mistake of reaching for her only weapon, the scalpel she had pulled out of her hand, with her dominant hand but all function there was ruined and once more the instrument was on the floor and she knew that if she bent to pick it up she would be unable to rise again.

Instead she turned to the blurry figure that entered and she didn't recognised them. Her eyesight was starting to grow blurry and she had to place her palm on the wall to stay up, leaving a bloody imprint on the white surface. The person was now walking to her, it was woman, somewhere inside her Jane knew she should recognise her but she didn't. There was no emotional response at first but then it hit her, the massive feeling of knowing that this was the person responsible of all those injuries, all this pain and the blood that the Detective could now make out everywhere in the room. Was this all hers? Was it possible?

She allowed adrenaline to take over because she didn't have the strength to do it herself. She was still half bent in pain when she rushed the woman, the force of her body slamming into her smaller frame almost lifting her clean off the ground. Jane landed on top of her, straddling her and she didn't even register when she landed the first blow. She watched as the womans nose blossomed red and after that she lost control of her body, landing blow after blow but none of them had the force she wanted them to had. It felt like a small child's slaps but she was angry and the woman's voice couldn't reach her, not even when her small hands begun scratching and pounding on Jane's chest.

Suddenly a familiar sound filled the room, sirens, and she paused as they grew closer and someone was knocking on the door. There were muffled voices and the sound of the door breaking down. She saw a variety of overwhelming hazy faces surrounding her and her fight of flight instinct did not understand the friendliness of blue uniforms. Adrenaline took over once more and she was running past them. She was barefoot and as she sprinted down the stairs she could feel the cold marble under the soles of her feet, and then the scratching of the pavement, but then she turned back to catch her breath and she saw that a man in blue was giving chase, shouting something at her.

''Stop running! Freeze!''

It only made her run faster but she was no match for him, not after all she had been through. He already had his baton out and next thing she knew it crashed against her back, sending her face down on the pavement face first. She tried to crawl away but the first strike was followed by a second and then a third. Then it stopped completely and she couldn't move anymore even if she wanted to.

''Jane!'' A voice hollered, close to her face. Male.

She looked up and her eyes wandered at the round face and the white goatee. The big worried eyes.

''Vince...'' She managed and he helped her turn to her side. She looked up and saw Frost pointing his finger to the man in blue, who was still holding onto his baton.

''Are you out of your fucking mind officer?!'' The Detective roared. ''You were beating on the kidnap victim! She's one of ours!''

''But...'' the officer gasped. ''I found her beating on the missing woman and she started running when she saw me! Wouldn't stop when I asked!''

Unable to focus on the conversation much longer Jane's eyes traveled back further but stopped when the woman she had seen inside the room before walked outside, blood streaming down her nose onto her blouse. Frost rushed to her side and she could hear his frantic voice, even from where she was lying.

''Dr Isles! Are you okay?! Who did this to you?!''

**_I promise things will get clearer next chapter. In the meanwhile, reviews have been scarce, -thanks to all of you you took the time thought, you're awesome- how about you folk lemme know how you like this story? Helps with motivation... _**  
**_take care, til next chapter _**

**_Lk_**


	11. ECP

Chapter eleven

Jane was lying on her stomach on the hospital bed, a little dazed from the medication she had been given on the ambulance ride. There was a doctor still working on the cuts on her back and shoulders. Hundreds of stitches they had said. She didn't seem to have any broken bones but they hadn't done any xray's yet, they wanted to take care of the lacerations. Said lacerations covered her entire torso and arms. She still was wearing her jeans but they were torn and bloody, so she suspected that she was also cut up badly under it.

Vince was sitting on a plastic chair by the bed. He hadn't spoken since he walked inside the room but Jane felt there was something, somewhere she needed to be.

''Vince...'' She said and realised her voice felt thick like there was sandpaper in her mouth. ''Vince...''

''Yes Jane?'' He asked, his eyes caring as he turned his big body fully towards her.

''I have to go...'' She said thoughtfully. ''Tommy is bringing TJ at ma's tonight, gotta go see him...''

''Jane...'' Korsak said sadly. ''Jane, Tommy brought TJ at Angela's ten days ago.''

At first Jane thought that maybe she had lost part of her memory but then she realised that this was not what Korsak was saying. ''Wh-what?'' She whispered, unable to process it.

''Jane, do you know what day it is?''

She shook her head. ''Course I know, it's Friday,November 12.'' She saw Korsak's reaction and her eyes widened.

''It's November 23, Jane.'' He said quietly. He lowered his head in his palms. ''You and Dr Isles went missing on the evening of November 12.'' He paused as Jane pushed herself up, not bothered that she was standing in front of him with just her jeans and sport's bra. ''You've lost so much weight...'' He said and she looked down at herself, realising he was telling the truth.

A nurse walked inside the room, interrupting the conversation, setting a small cup of water and a series of pills in front of her.

''What is that?'' Jane rasped.

The nurse was a small woman, who reminded Jane a lot of her favourite Dr, Maura Isles. Her eyes were brown and sympathetic as she casted a questioning glance towards Korsak and back to Jane.

''You can talk...'' Jane said, Korsak's presence her list worries.

She pointed towards a round shaped capsule. ''This is an ECP.'' She said quietly. ''This is the strongest we have and considering the amount of time you have been gone it might not be 100% percent effective but it is still better than nothing.'' Her gloved finger trailed to the pill on the other side. ''This is a PEP. You don't know what you were exposed to and until you do you need to be careful. Your insurance covers the full treatment plan-''

''But I-'' Jane interrupted then stopped. She glanced at Korsak who didn't seem to understand what the two women were talking about and maybe it was better that way. She ground her teeth. ''Why are you...was there anything suggestive of...'' She couldn't bring herself to say it.

''We got a chance to examine you. You were unconscious the first minutes after they brought you in. We found suggestive injuries and tears that led to your attending doctor prescribing such medication. '' She looked around, her eyes settling on Korsak. ''It would be best if you left, Detective.'' She said evenly and he nodded, rising to his feet but confused. She turned back to Jane, who had dropped her head in her palms. ''I need to take your clothes and give them to the police, also take you upstairs of xrays and continue the previous examination, if I have your consent.''

Korsak didn't hear Jane's reply, he was already out of the room and walking down the corridor, angry tears stinging at his eyes. The woman in that hospital bed was his partner and she had obviously been tortured for days. He wasn't sure if it was good or bad that she couldn't remember any of it but it surely harmed the investigation, since they had no other clue. Angela should be there any minute and there was someone else he needed to check on.

Frost was already in the room when he walked inside, helping Dr Isles hold the ice pack to her face. The woman's eyes turned to him immediately, relaxing in recognition. ''Detective Korsak!'' She gasped. ''How's Jane?!''

''She...'' He paused, shaking his head. ''How are you Dr Isles?''

''She doesn't remember anything.'' Frost announced, rising to his feet.

Korsak turned to him. ''Frost, why don't you go find Jane and Angela? I'd like to talk to the Dr myself.''

Something of a teasing nature almost left Frost's lips but he immediately regretted it, solemnly nodding as he left.

''How are you Doctor Isles?'' Korsak asked, sitting down on the chair next to the bed.

''I'm...perplexed.'' Maura answered honestly. ''The memory loss suggests we were drugged but I still don't have the tox screen results. ''Does Jane remember anything?''

Korak shook his head. ''Absolutely nothing.''

''How badly hurt is she?'' Maura asked, concern colouring her voice. Korsak thought that the interest, despite it being mutual, seemed to be a little odd for someone being simply a coleague. Yet he knew the two women were close friends so he kept his opinion to himself.

''It's bad...'' He muttered. ''Doesn't look life threatening but she's in a bad shape. And her hands...'' He shook his head and reached for an envelope on his breast pocket. He paused before opening it and extracting a single photo. He held it against his chest briefly. ''I hate to show you this, Dr, but it might jog your memory.'' He handed Maura the photo gently. ''Someone sent this to us about three days after you two dissappeared.''

Maura felt tears roll down her face as she took in the picture. It was Jane, her shirt gone, her white top stained in blood that made it look crimson on the first glance. Her arms were chained over her head, her body limp and dangling. A matching pair of steel scalpels protruded from her palms. A tear escaped and splashed down onto the paper. Korsak took it away and returned it to the envelope. ''We thought she was dead...'' He said evenly. ''She looks dead.''

Maura nodded but she couldn't find her voice to speak. Her Detective, her precious beautiful detective lifelessly hanging there, if even she could be reduced to this then anyone could. She wanted to take the person in the picture in her arms and comfort her. She needed to go and see her in order to convince herself that Jane was really alive.

''I can't remember anything!'' She sobbed when she finally managed to force the words between her teeth. ''I remember talking to a reporter then I remember opening my eyes in this strange room and then...'' Korsak waited patiently for her to continue. ''Then it was Jane and she run to me and she... she did this!'' She motioned towards her bruised face. ''And I...'' She gulped. ''I don't even know why!''

''Jane did this?'' The Detective asked. He ground his teeth. What in the world had happened to them. Maura nodded quietly through the tears, taking deep shuddering breaths.

''I just can't remember anything...'' She said, lowering herself on the bed. Her heart was trying to force its way out of her chest, pushing further and further against her ribcage. Her Jane was hurt, lying somewhere and she needed to be with her!

''It's okay...'' Korsak tried to console her. ''I'll go take a look at the crime scene, let you know whats going on.'' He turned to go but regretted it, stopping and turning to Maura. ''Dr Isles?''

''Y-yes?''

''It's something the doctors have been talking about ...what does ''ECP'' stand for?'' He asked.

Maura's eyes turned into the cool scientist eyes he was used to. ''It could mean a number of things but the most common use of it is Emergency Contraceptive Pills, why do you ask Detective?'' She stopped just as the words left her mouth and her heart collapsed as realisation sunk in.

**_Thanks everybody for you reviews. show me some love once more _**

**_Lk_**


	12. The Worm

Chapter twelve

Jane was dreaming again. She hadn't noticed but she had fallen asleep, her body worn to its limit by days of captivity. She had the scalpel in her hands, her uninjured hands, and she was cutting into the body she was straddling. It was Hoyt, his bare chest pale and weathered. He wasn't smiling anymore, he was dead, he was just a body. She felt peace, looking down at the injuries she had inflicted.

But then everything changed. She realised she was on her back and someone was sitting on her chest. She squeezed her eyes shut tight but was forced to open them when she felt the fine tip of the scalpel tease the inside of her hand. She had expected to find him on top of her again but she felt the world go dark when she saw that pinning her down was the person she loved the most. Currently piercing a scalpel through her palm was Dr Maura Isles.

She screamed, and even when she awoke the scream trailed on because opening her eyes the face she saw was the same. The knowledge that the face that would on any other time of her life bring joy to her now brought only fear left a bitter aftertaste in Jane's mouth.

''Jane! Jane calm down, it's just me!'' Maura raised her voice over the scream to comfort her friend but it only seemed to make matters worse, since Jane's shrieks did stop but now the Detective turned -painfully so- on her side and made herself as small as possible, as if trying to hide herself from the doctor.

Images were dancing in her head and in all of them was Maura, holding a scalpel over her vulnerable flesh. She closed her eyes but it only made the images worse. ''Get out of here...'' She managed, before panic settled in. ''Maura please get out of here!'' Jane sobbed and the doctor rose from the chair she had occupied for the past hour by Jane's bed side. She had expected a lot of things, a lot of different reactions from Jane and she had thought she had prepared herself from every and any of them but she found she had been prepared for _this_.

The Detective, the woman she would give her life for in an instant, the only person in the world whom she wasn't in the least afraid of was now terrified of her. And she could not understand why. ''Jane...'' She gasped. ''It's just me, Maura...'' the Doctor said but she could hear that her own voice was broken and came out choked.

''Please go, please just leave me alone...'' Jane pleaded, her whole body trembling uncontrollably. ''Please, DΟΝ'Τ!''

Each and every of Jane's pleads was a hot knife thrust in Maura's chest until she could feel tears stream down her own face. ''Jane...'' Her voice was barely a whisper. The person who did this, she thought, looking at Jane's broken body, the person who did this to her was now taking Jane away from her. The person who had done this was robbing her of everything precious she had in her life. She could see it now, Jane was slowly losing her sanity, herself. She had to help, she had to find a way to pull the real Jane out of this rag-doll like person before she became lost completely.

A nurse rushed inside the room, alerted by the earlier screams and Maura allowed herself to be pushed outside the room, feeling too hollow inside to protest. It was Korsak who found the Doctor weeping in the corridor, almost an hour later, and since Jane was refusing to see anyone, not even her own mother -much to Angela's outrage-, he offered to take her home. At first she refused but then, after long negotiations she agreed only on the condition that he would come back an hour later to pick her up after she had taken a shower.

Guilt prickled her skin viciously all the way back. She had lost ten days of her memories, completely gone like barely a minute had gone by and she blinked it away, yet she did not even have a mark on her to show for it, except from the ones on her face after Jane's panicked attack. Hell, she even seemed like she had slept and eaten well the days before, which was better than she usually was.

Once she reached her house she stripped free of her clothes and stood naked in front of the full body mirror. She surveyed herself, wishing for a sign that Jane had not been completely alone in her torture but there was nothing. She felt sick and she turned the shower on, freezing cold water cascading over her but she couldn't bring herself to pull away. Was this the cold Jane had felt for days, was all she could think about.

This was all her fault. She had been stupid. Another body had surfaced that day, a little after Jane had left the house, Maura had made sure it would be someone else doing the autopsy but when she opened her door she had found a reporter outside. The man had been polite and clean looking and she had a discussion with him, with the camera on, about the long and short term effects of Seventh Heaven intake. She spoke to him for about thirty minute on great detail about a users behaviour and health risks.

Jane had warned her about this. She had to stay out of this for her own good but she hadn't listened. Instead she had enraged whomever had held them captive. She wondered why was she even alive? Had he or they been forced to run away when they heard the sirens?

She stepped out of the shower, the chilled air of the bathroom brushing past her skin. She looked at a body she had once thought of as desirable and the only thing she could now see flashing past her eyes were the gapings cuts and dark bruises on Jane's body. The sudden weight loss and trembling of her worn muscles. She dragged her nails across her soft stomach, imagining the slashes across Jane's taut muscles. She had to look down to realise that she had scratched herself badly enough to bleed. She wiped the blood away, feeling justice somewhere in the acidic stinging.

It was then she saw it, between her the ring and pinky finger of her left hand, a neat little puncture mark. Frantically she begun again, searching every inch of her body, every place someone could use to inject the disgusting mind altering substance. She thought of it as a giant white worm crawling through her veins into her heart and brain, making the heart pump faster and faster, the brain disassociate. She thought of that evil worm wrapping itself around her brain and squeezing.

Jane, still in her hospital bed was feeling the cold that took over after the panic left. For the first time whilst awake she saw herself holding a scalpel to Maura's body. She imagined her fingers dipped in the metallic blood, the blood she always thought of as life in its fluid form. And it scared her, a fear bright white and overwhelming. She scrambled to her side, swinging her legs off the bed and she reached for the tea a nurse had left on the nightstand, now cold. She took a careful sip but it felt like acid burned straight into her stomach and she immediately heaved on the floor, emptying the pitiful contents of her empty stomach. She had tried eating before, they had brought her jell-o but it had the same luck as the few sips of tea she now vomited.

She dragged herself to the bathroom, rinsing the vile taste off her mouth. Then slowly, fighting through the pain with gritted teeth, she pulled her jeans on, discarding the hospital gown. Someone, probably Maura, had been kind enough to bring over a pair of clean and comfortable clothes. The hoodie was somewhat of a challenge but both articles of clothing were always loose and now even more so on her frame, which made them easier to pull on. She worked through the pulling of the stitches on her torso, breathing heavily with exertion, knowing the painkillers in her blood stream were taking the edge off. She pulled the IV out of the vein of her arm and tossed it carelessly on the floor.

More images flooded inside her head and now she knew she was going insane because every time she felt the pain reminding her the injuries on her body she would see Maura flash before her eyes and her response would be fear and recoil. She would see the Doctor, standing in front of her, running her hands over Jane's exposed body as it dangled from the ceiling. Raising the scalpel and curiously dragging it across her collarbone, her hip, her thigh. She was going insane. She was going completely insane.

Nobody in the buzzing hospital wondered why this ill-looking woman was slowly making her way out of the building, who would anyway, when they had people with their limbs severed and crash victims screaming and bleeding. Ill people where everywhere and Jane was no exception. She walked for a while, a couple of blocks away from the hospital until she realised she had no idea where she was going. Maura was still there, in her head, and it felt like someone had plucked out every nice memory Jane had off her and replaced it with fear. Crazy, I'm crazy, she thought. They're rendered me insane.

Maura eventually had to stop looking for the puncture marks. She had found over a dozen, between her toes, on the inside of her thigh, her ankle. She stopped not because she decided to but because her phone was ringing. She walked outside and when she saw Frost's number she suddenly felt very self conscious about the fact she was still naked. Of course he couldn't see it but it still made her cringe when she picked up.

''Dr Isles?''

''Yes Frost, is everything okay? Is Jane alright?''

''I think you need to come by the precinct Dr Isles, we've got a tape.''

Maura paused. ''A tape?''

''Yes.'' Frost said. ''We have a tape of what happened in there.'' He paused. ''You really should see this before anyone else does.''

_**Well, next chapter will let us know whats up. I want to send a big thanks to Magicfull, D3nsei, cjunited38,wolvesjr34, Paramedic, Elicon, Isa Bisa, R. I. Diaz, nursethescreens,, Dongu, Shadows Take All, smd41271, carolcarolc, incendioverum, gee1008, femerlin, arkhamknight83, Awayfan, and finally to all of my guest reviewers the people who follow favourite and to all the people who have read even without reviewing. Love ya'll, next ch will be posted ASAP **_  
_**LK**_


	13. Kiss In The Dark

Chapter thirteen

Maura kept staring at the screen, the weak light of Frost's computer burning into her corneas. She was completely unaware of the shocked tears that were running down her cheeks and the Detective knew better than to comment on it. The woman on the screen was her but she was also a stranger. Maura felt such a shameful detachment from her, simply because she had no memory of the situation, she had no memory of what she saw, how she felt, how she acted, what her thoughts and emotions were.

Stranger Maura was sitting passively behind a broad shouldered man. From the picture Frost had thoughtfully set aside she recognised him as Carlo Amaro, a lieutenant for the Latin Beasts with a rap sheet long as the Holy Bible. Maura swallowed hard as he bent over Stranger Maura and spoke to her loud and clear.

''Look at the camera Doctor.'' He said and his voice was polite. Stranger Maura seemed small and child like next to his massive body. She nodded eagerly and turned to face the camera.

Maura was looking at herself, unable to feel any connection to woman. If she had a twin she could have sworn it wasn't her but she knew this was really Maura Isles staring back at her and smiling dreamily.

''Could you tell us your name?'' He requested.

Stranger Maura kept smiling and her voice was giggly when she spoke. ''My name is Maura Isles.''

''Thank you doctor.'' He smiled at her and straightened his body, turning to the man who was holding the camera and motioned to him. The camera panned around the room and finally focused on Jane. It wasn't the fact that Jane was already dangling from the chains, her shirt half unbuttoned, that made Maura gasp, but the fact that the Detective was awake and completely lucid, aware of her surroundings.

''Maura!'' She shouted. ''Maura, what's wrong with you?!'' She struggled against her bounds and Maura could see on the high quality video every muscle on Jane's body tighten with effort to break free. ''Maura!'' The last one was pleading.

The camera turned back to Stranger Maura and Jane's voice was replaced by the sound of a blow and then the Detective's coughing.

''Do you know why you're here, Maura?'' Amaro asked.

Stranger Maura shook her head, half pouting.

''You're here because you've been a very very naughty girl, do you know why?''

Again, the stranger shook her head.

''Seven H sells was my ticket to leading the Beasts, but now that you've talked to the press my sales have gone down fifty percent and it's now impossible to find new buys, since everyone thinks Seven H will kill them.'' She smiled sweetly at her, showing perfect white teeth. Maura was shocked because in any other circumstance he would be a very handsome man, she would even be attracted to him and Stranger Maura seemed to respond to his charm as if unable to listen and comprehend what he was saying in that sweet and light voice. ''You took something from me, Doctor. Something I have worked very hard to get.'' He gave her his hand and she took it, rising to her feet obediently. ''And now I'm going to take everything away from you, before I kill you.''

''Maura!'' Jane's voice interrupted and there was another sound. When Amaro and Stranger Maura walked up to the Detective blood was pouring down her nose onto her shirt and chest.

''Do you know who this is?'' Amaro asked, circling Maura like a vulture.

Stranger Maura remained quiet, staring blankly. She didn't say no but she didn't say yes either and Maura felt her heart break, knowing she could forget the single light of her life like this.

''Thanks okay, I'll help you remember.'' He walked up to Jane, his large hands grabbing her shirt and tearing it open, sending buttons flying across the room. The Detective flinched, turning her face away from him stubbornly.

''I'll kill you if you hurt her.'' She said, but her chest was rising and falling frantically, betraying her fear. Maura's hands clenched around Frost's desk but the screen was sucking her in and she couldn't pull her eyes away. It was a car crash and she knew something terrible was going to follow but she couldn't look away.

Amaro reached for somewhere outside of the cameras view and retrieved a shiny instrument Maura immediately recognised as a scalpel.

''This...'' He said, putting the scalpel in Maura's hand and placing his hand over hers. ''This is the person you hate the most.'' He led both of their hands upwards until the tip of the blade was resting on Jane's stomach, a few centimetres above her navel. ''Who do you hate the most, Maura?'' He asked and Stranger Maura along with the Maura looking down on the screen came abruptly to the same conclusion. Stranger Maura shook her hand away from Amaro's grasp and for the first time her eyes weren't childish but angry. She thrust the knife forward without second thought, straight through Jane's right palm.

The Detective screamed.

Maura flinched and jumped as Frost placed a palm on her shoulder, showing her the duration of the video. It was over two hours.

''This is just the first of dozens of files. I think the bastards have taped the entire ten days you guys spent in there.'' He said gently. ''I haven't gone through everything yet but it's just more of the same so far, I'm sure you're better off not seeing it.'' He was honest but Maura shook her head.

''No...'' She choked. ''I have to see it all. Need to see it all.'' She looked up to him from her seat in front of the desk. ''I owe it to her...'' Her voice broke as she was forced to turn back to the screen and watch herself drag the scalpel down Jane's stomach.

''Okay...'' He sighed sadly. They were alone in the precinct and he felt the weight of what he had seen in those videos weight on him. The sick bastards had taped it all, left a stack of CD's just for the police to find. ''Okay.'' He repeated. ''I'm gonna go get you a cup of coffee.'' He knew the horrors in those recordings was enough to keep the Doctor awake for weeks but he had to make himself useful, feel helpful in some way because he was unable to undo what had been done to his two friends.

For the better part of the next hour Maura watched the Stranger in her body damage the most precious woman in her life unspeakably. She watched Jane cry more from sadness and desperation than pain. Even when she finally yanked the headphones away from her she could listen the Detective's voice thickly shouting over and over to Stranger Maura, her voice deep, raspy, pained, shouting it like a mantra, _It's okay Maura, I still love you, I still love you baby. It's okay, It's okay, It's okay. I still love you. Still love you._

She finally went quiet, her voice fading to breathy ''_I love you's''_ as her body went slack on the chains, blood loss blessedly pushing her over the edge of unconsciousness.

Maura suppressed the scream that had been building deep inside her throat and it came out like a wounded groan. She sunk to the floor, on her knees, hugging herself, and she cried, as her heart exploded, her logic slipped slowly away, pooling around the floor like Jane's blood had. She felt the insanity worm curl and uncurl around her brain, more alive than ever before. Hoyt. She had seen Hoyt. Stranger Maura had seen Hoyt and she had done what Maura had wanted to do. Driven those scalpels through his disgusting hands but she had been wrong, she had been so wrong and it had never been Hoyt trapped in those chains, it had been Jane, her love, her life, her light. Her every thing. And she had damaged it so terribly she couldn't even live inside her own skin anymore and she dug her nails deeper into her forearms as she bent lower to the ground, her forehead touching the floor as if in a silent, humbled prayer.

Somewhere in the dark Boston streets Jane Rizzoli tumbled in the dirty alley, curling behind the dumpster to shield herself from the cold. She was shaking so bad her shoulders kept slamming against the metal and it hurt, it hurt so much. She couldn't walk anymore but the same worm of insanity was suffocating her mind too. She was going crazy, unable to separate reality from drug induced fantasy anymore.

She had nowhere to go, she couldn't face Maura, not when all those vile thoughts, memories and images went through her head every time she saw this perfect face, those tender lips. She felt her weak body slip lower against the dumpster and she begun to cough, her chest heaving as her breath came out wheezy. She couldn't go home, not ever again. She couldn't stay in that hospital where death surrounded her. She was so ashamed of how her mind was even able to think those terrible things about a creature as perfect as Maura that she had deemed herself an outcast of everything she ever belonged in. If she couldn't even do this one thing good, if she couldn't even do Maura's memory justice then she had no place, no purpose anywhere. She was disgusted by herself. She couldn't take care of the one good thing in her life.

Self exiled, she knew that she was sick. There was something wrong with her breathing. She didn't care. The last thing going through her mind as eyesight faded to black was the memory of those perfect, tender lips, from the first and only time she had kissed them. It had been only once but she could tell by heart all of the curves and shapes of Maura's gentle bottom lip, she had memorized every ridge of her upper one. If those lips kissed her in the dark she would be able to recognise them immediately.

There was a voice somewhere far but it didn't really register as she slipped into nothingness.

''Vanilla?''

_**Um, I had decided to ignore the anonymous review that i found kind of rude but I was really surprised to see that some of you actually came to my defence. I... thank you guys, it was sweet. Special thanks to Eve2faces and ShadowsTakeAll. I'm just gonna say that I've been studying english for years and i had no idea ECPs stood for Emergency Contraceptives. Plus, if you've ever been to an ER you know this place is a nuthouse, doctors are focused on saving lives, nobody really sees you go in or out in the middle of a crisis situation. Also, as we've just seen Jane IS very hurt and she has just been running on panic and fumes, so I'm not thinking this part was unrealistic. Finally, just an opinion, if you're going to speak about something being unrealistic, meaning untrue and fake, maybe it would be wise to use your real name instead of hiding behind the inventive guest name of ''ridiculous.'' Now guys, dont take me wrong, I have no problem with criticism but I disagree when said criticism is provided in a rude manner. Thanks for reading this fic to everyone and thanks for reading this long AN**_

_**I'm two weeks away from my uni acceptance exams and I am super nervous -I've been studying for this forthe past two years- lol so I've been writing a lot to relax, this is why these updates are so quick. **_

_**Love ya'll**_  
_**LK**_  
_**And again, sorry for the rant , please let me know what you think of this chapter, I'm really nervous about it. **_


	14. My Fallen Angel

Chapter fourteen

''Dr Isles...'' Detective Frost knelt down on the floor next to the crying woman, putting his arm around her. ''Are you alright?''

''Please go away Detective...'' Maura managed to say, pulling away from him.

''I'm afraid I can't.'' He looked down at her through the semi darkness of the empty precinct. ''Mrs Rizzoli just called me, Jane went missing from the hospital.''

''What?!'' Maura's head snapped back and the tears stopped immediately. There were more pressing matters than crying. ''There were supposed to be a guard at her door, what in the world happened?!''

''He said he didn't see her...'' Frost muttered, checking his holster for his gun and grabbing his coat. ''We gotta go, I'm gonna get a couple of patrol cars to check the area. She couldn't have gotten very far.''

''What if they took her?!'' Maura said, panic seeping into her voice as she followed him to the parking lot.

''Dr Isles...'' Frost turned. ''If they wanted to kill Jane they would have. They wanted you but somehow they failed to kill you.'' He flinched at how that sounded. ''What I meant is, it's you they wanted, not Jane. I doubt they would come back for her. It's you who's in danger.''

''There's nothing that will stop me from coming with you Detective.''

He nodded to her. ''I know.'' He sighed. ''That's the worst part.'' He smiled weakly. ''You're just as hard headed as Jane is sometimes, doctor.'' He opened the door to his car, after opening hers to let her in the passenger seat. ''Jane is probably very confused, since nobody has managed to tell her what has happened. She responded the way she knew best.''

''What do you mean?'' Maura asked soberly as he drove them to the hospital.

''Fight or flight.'' He explained. ''She couldn't fight, not in the state she was in so the next option was to get away. I don't think she even knows what she's running away from but she is.'' He shook his head. ''That's good.''

''How in the world is that good?!'' Maura exclaimed, knowing that if she was the one driving the car she would have crashed it from the nerves.

''It means Jane is still somewhere in there.'' He looked up to her briefly and she could see that his eyes were determined. ''She's acting on survival instinct, it means she's not broken.''

Maura nodded. It make sense. It sounded like Jane. It hurt, hurt so much to know she had been the cause of this, to realise she had been cavalier about talking to that reporter. She had unintentionally put her job over their lives. She knew better than to do this again. She wondered if she would been given the chance to.

''Vanilla, Vanilla what's wrong?'' Rondo gathered her in his arms, resting her body on his. ''Who did this to you?!'' He reached for his backpack extracting a long wooly blanket and draped it over her. ''Just stay there okay? Just hang on. I'm gonna go bring help.'' He rose to his feet, casting one last glance to the seemingly asleep woman and shook his head. He rushed to the next street where he knew a familiar street bum would be.

''Manny.'' He huffed from the exertion. ''Manny?!''

''What is it man?'' The heavy guy asked, not interested enough to pick himself from the ground. He was at least two hundred and fifty pounds and he wore dirty clothes, smelling worse than Rondo remembered.

''Ya got your phone with you Manny?'' He asked feverishly and started patting the mans clothes before he got an answer.

''Hey man, put that down...''

Rondo didn't even pause to listen, he just rushed back to where he left Jane and he begun dialing the only number he could think off.

Maura jumped when her phone rung. She picked up without looking at the caller's ID.

''This is Dr Isles.'' She said, her voice tense. Her heart sunk when it wasn't Jane's voice on the other end.

''Is it you?''

The voice was somewhat familiar but she couldn't place it.

''Who is this?''

''Doctor Isles, Vanilla is bad, she's hurt very bad, you need to come here!'' The voice paused. Then finally recognised it.

''Rondo?!'' She stopped. ''You know where Jane is?!''

Ten minutes later Maura was crouching over Jane, hand clasped over her mouth to stop the pained whimper trying to claw itself out of herself on the sight of her friend so broken. She reached for her, touching her shoulder, looking for a pulse, a sign to show her Jane was alive and she flinched when the Detective opened her eyelids and turned bleary eyes to her.

Her lips moved and Maura had to lean closer to her to hear what she was saying.

''You're an angel.'' Jane's voice was breathy. Her skin was hot, feverish.

''Jane you're sick, we need to get you back to the hospital.'' Maura turned to face Frost, to ask him to call an ambulance but Jane reached for her, grabbing her blouse with bandages hands and pulling her to lean closer.

''You're my angel.'' She repeated.

Frost nodded and begun dialing 911, taking a step awake from the two women. Rondo was already waiting further away. Maura resisted the urge to wipe the tears away from her eyes.

''I'm no angel Jane...'' Maura choked out. ''You don't know what I've done, I'm no-''

''I know...'' Jane whispered against her ear, sending a chill up her spine. She smiled softly at the Doctor, her eyes half closed. ''I finally know...'' She turned her eyes heavenward. ''I know everything now...'' She drew in an audible breath. ''I've finally seen an angel, seen my angel, and I remember...'' She turned her eyes to Maura but they were unfocused. ''You find me...and I found what I had to find...''

''You- You know...?'' Maura stuttered. Her chest begun heaving with panic. If Jane knew why hadn't she shoved her away yet? What was going on? What was Jane thinking?

She had no more time to think, because Jane reached for her, forcing herself to sit up ever so slightly with her back against the wall, capturing the Doctors lips with her. Whatever the kiss lacked in passion and force it made up for it with gentleness and beauty. Maura couldn't think of a time a kiss had been more beautiful. It was intoxication. Was there any study that could tell her how she could become addicted to someones touch like this? She responded to every brush of skin on skin like a fine tuned instrument under the Detective's spell.

She was so enthralled in the kiss that she didn't realise Jane's body had gone limp in her arms.

_**MMmmssssoooo there are going to be a couple of cute times ahead I hope.. just not in that chapter sorry sorry**_

_**lemme know how am doing**_

_**LK**_


	15. DNA

Chapter fifteen

''Jane...''

The voice was calling at her through the dark. The fog was thick but the voice was pleasant and she dove towards it. She surfaced with a deep breath and when she opened her eyes she couldn't contain her smile. Maura was leaning over her, her sweet blond hair like a halo around her soft face. Maura was surprised at the cheeky grin she got from the Detective but didn't back away.

''Jane baby, how are you feeling?''

The word slipped past her lips before she realised it but Jane didn't react to it, other than her grin widening. Slowly Jane turned her head to the side and caught a glimpse of her Angela Rizzoli, her mouth half parted in expectation. The Detective's grin turned more conservative but her sleepy eyes held the light of a shared secret between her and the Doctor.

''I feel...'' She paused, considering her answer. ''I feel fine.'' She looked at Maura, waiting for a hint her answer was the right one. The smile on the Doctor's lips was all she needed. She begun pushing herself up and Maura moved to stop her but ended up helping her sit with her back against the pillow instead.

''You were sick.'' She explained to Jane. ''You have a mild pneumonia, this is why you were so sick, you were running a fever.'' She placed her hand on Jane's forehead to check. ''But it went down quickly, once we brought you back to the hospital. You've been sleeping for a full day.''

Jane reached for Maura's hand, still resting against her skin and she brought it to her lips, kissing it gently. She focused her eyes completely on Maura's, letting her gaze travel around the perfect irises that seemed to shift between green and golden depending on how the light caught them. The Doctor didn't flinch despite the harshness of the bandage on Jane's hand. She watched waiting for permission and Maura nodded.

''Take me home.'' Jane said suddenly.

''What?'' Maura pulled away surprised.

''Take me home, take me out of here.'' The Detective repeated.

''Jane!'' Maura half laughed. ''I can't, you're still hurt.''

''You're a Doctor, aren't you?'' She asked, her posture softened by aching muscles. ''Take me home, I'll stay with you.'' She pleaded. ''I can't stay in this place any minute longer. Makes me feel trapped.''

Maura was going to give the objection she had on the tip of her tongue. But she suddenly realised Jane had called her house home. Not her apartment, but she had called Maura's house her home. She was giving Maura a way to help with the situation, even make up for it. And it felt like suddenly Maura forgot how to utter any word of objection, in fact it felt like she was forgotten any other word other than:

''Okay.''

Jane smiled back at her and Maura knew that for that smile she would do anything. God, she thought, this smile would be her downfall. They exchanged a nod and the Jane turned to Angela.

''Hey ma...'' She said weakly and Angela as if suddenly coming to life crossed the few steps that separated her from her daughters bed and wrapped her arms around Jane's frame, careful of her injuries.

''My baby!'' She exclaimed. ''How many times have I told you this job of yours is going to kill me?''

''Ma!'' Jane rolled her eyes, laughing. ''Can't you stop for just one day?'' She rested her hand on Angel's shoulder. ''Please, can you just be happy to have me here?''

Angela nodded and Maura quietly retreated to fill out the paperwork.

It seemed like an odd dream that merely that evening she had Jane discharged under her private medical care and she was helping the Detective walk to her car. She had been given a walking stick to support the torn ligaments around her right knee but she seemed to be able to walk normally for a few steps at a time. She felt sadness seeing how Jane's prominent cheekbones stood out even more. It was an issue she addressed the minute she slid into the driver's seat.

''You need to keep drinking a lot of fluids and work up to eating solid food again or you'll have to go back to having an IV.'' She said matter of factly and Jane nodded.

''Last time I did try I got sick.''She said.

''We'll see what we can do about that.'' Maura said, her hands tightening around the steering wheel.

Jane looked down at her hands still clutching the bag with pill bottles she had been given. Mostly pain meds and antibiotics but something else too. Both of her hands despite the injury still had most of their function despite the pain and she managed to get the bag open and extracted an orange bottle like all the others, with her name printed on it. It was the STDS Post Exposure prescription and she turned to Maura, giving the bottle a shake.

''I guess...I won't be needing these?'' She asked and Maura looked away.

''No.'' She said hoarsely.

''Good.'' Jane replied, tucking the bottle back into the bag.

She could hear Maura's breathing quicken with tears as she drove but she didn't feel strong enough to say anything about it. She simply waited until they reached Maura's apartment and she allowed the Doctor to help her inside.

They both paused and Jane pulled away from her slightly, putting all of her weight on the walking stick and facing the Doctor.

''Can I sleep with you tonight?'' She asked, pointing towards Maura's bedroom and the Doctor froze.

''What-why?!'' She asked, her eyes darting to Jane's eyes.

''I mean, it's okay if you don't want to...'' Jane looked away, embarassed.

''Wh-why?''

''I'd like to have someone close for the night.''

When she looked at Jane's eyes all she saw was honesty. There was no implication, no innuendo, she just needed human contact. Maura nodded.

''Of course you can...'' She whispered, waving towards the bedroom. ''You must be tired, would you like to rest some?''

''Yes, actually.'' She smiled gently. ''Thank you.'' She turned to look at Maura one last time and then walked slowly but steadily to the bedroom. Maura didn't need to bring her any clean clothes because Jane knew exactly where her spare set of sleep wear always was in Maura's house. The intimacy of this simple interaction, the knowledge her sweatpants would always be clean and ironed on the left of her bedroom closet was strange but comforting.

Maura glanced at the clock, it was just seven in the afternoon and she wasn't going to sleep a lot that night. Instead she went on to continue her self inflicted torture, turning her laptop on and insert one of the disks Frost had found in that hellish apartment. She watched for a long time, her fingers tight against the sofa cushion but not allowing herself to cry. She had to see this. She had to see everything, know everything, first in order to help Jane deal with it and second in order to feel that she was at least paying a molecule for what she had done, despite it being unintentional. She had been so focused on not crying, so focused on keeping in the scream that bubbled up now and then that she never noticed how much time had gone by and never heard Jane's slow steps approach her from behind until she felt her hands drop heavy on her shoulders.

She jumped and her hands shot out to close the laptop and make that horrific image disappear so Jane wouldn't have to see it but the Detective stopped her, pulling her hand away.

''How is this going to help?'' She asked Maura and the Doctor set the laptop next to her as Jane walked around the sofa to stand in front of her.

''I don't know...'' Maura replied honestly. ''I just have to know.''

''You still don't remember a thing eh?'' Jane asked softly and Maura nodded, wiping a few stray tears with the back of her hand.

''I'm sorry...'' She managed to say.

''Come to bed with me, Maur.'' Jane asked, offering her hands to the Doctor, palms up. She took them and followed Jane's tired gait to the bed obediently.

They laid down on the bed next to each other and Maura felt more than saw Jane's body tense next to her slightly before relaxing. Consciously, the Detectives mind knew how Maura would never hurt her but her body had other kinds of memories. Her body was half torn between attracted and scared and it was momentarily confusing. Then she fought through it and she reached for the Doctor's hands, lacing their fingers together.

''He can't take this away from us.'' She said, racing their intertwined hands just a bit for Maura to see.

''How did you do it?'' Maura asked, feeling Jane's thumb brush over her fingers.

''Did what?'' Jane asked, turning the light on the nightstand off with her free hand.

''How did you keep on loving me...after all this?'' Her hand shook and Jane responded by giving it a light squeeze of reassurance. ''I was doing all those terrible things to you and the only thing you kept telling to me was that you still loved me. How?'' Tears thickened her voice. ''Why?''

''Because its true.''

''How?'' Maura insisted. ''How did you not just break down and cry and just fall apart? What in the world would have kept you able to still love me?''

''I think...'' Jane started then paused, thinking. ''I think I just prayed.''

''Prayed?'' Maura frowned, a little happy Jane couldn't see it in the dark. ''To God?''

''Yes.'' Jane said quietly.

''How can an imaginary being fabricated by people's need on a greater force, an explanation for all the things they couldn't understand without science help in any way in a situation like this?'' Maura asked, confused by Jane's answer.

''You think God is fake?'' Jane asked.

''Well, I know you're Catholic and all that, and I don't mean to disrespect you but-''

''No, it's okay.'' She heard Jane take in a deep breath. ''Let me explain to you.''

''Thank you.''

''You believe in science, don't you, Doctor Isles?''

''Of course.'' Maura answered, taken a little aback by the question. ''What does that have to do with God?''

''You believe in the perfection of the human body, this is your work. You see it every day, you see how perfect the structure of a single human cell is. Had you never read about it would you ever be able to imagine one? Would you be able to create one?''

''No, of course not...'' Maura said quietly.

Jane's voice was tender as she continued. ''So someone able to do so would be a being clearly greater than you, wiser than you.''

''Yes. But Darwin's theory of evolution has prooved-''

''I'm not implying that the theory is wrong. But explain to me using that same theory how come humans are the only beings so perfect as to create this type of civilization? It almost feels like something great is making all of us want to be better, do better.'' She stopped, placing her other hand on top of Maura's. ''How do you explain the complexity and perfection of this planet, the only planet life can exist? I do believe in the big bang but could you or me, mere humans have caused something so massive to happen?''

''No...'' Maura said thoughtfully.

''And could you have created something so perfect as the human brain? You have touched it, seen it countless time, could you have created something like this?'' She allowed a minute of silence to stretch the conversation. ''Could you create one in your lab, that would let me see the perfect colour of your eyes, allow me to feel how soft your skin is, how perplex your lips are? Could a computer, or an accident in nature do that? How do you explain how every cell in my body wants your touch more than oxygen? How do you explain the perfection of the human DNA sequence and that every part of my genetic code spells your name? '' Once more she entwined their fingers. ''And how do you explain the way your hand fits so perfectly in mine?''

To that Maura had no answer.


	16. When did you know?

Chapter sixteen

Maura woke to the sound of crying. It was a subtle sniffling but it penetrated into her sleep as if by some kind of instinct. She reached for Jane and the woman turned, raising her arms to her face to shield herself.

''Hey...'' Maura whispered, holding her hands up in a peaceful gesture. ''It's me.'' She tucked a loose curl behind Jane's ear, focusing on the warm chocolate eyes. ''It's me, not the other one.''

Jane sniffled again and nodded, smiling slightly. ''It's the real Maura...'' She said quietly, rising to one elbow to kiss the Doctor's cheek. ''I'm sorry. You startled me.''

''It's okay.'' Maura smiled back. She turned to look at the clock on the nightstand and realised it was past ten am. ''Wow.'' She said. ''We slept in.''

''I guess we both needed it.'' Jane said, yawning lazily. ''Please don't go to work?''

''I'm off work for at least a week.'' Maura swung her legs of the bed and walked to the window, half opening the windows to let some of the sunlight inside. She turned to Jane, every part of her wanting to touch her, run her hands up and down her body. She contained herself and offered another smile. ''I should change your bandages.'' She said and watched Jane carefully to see whether that was okay with her or not.

''Alright.'' Jane replied, a little unsteadily.''But then can we go back to bed?''

''Mmmm...'' Maura half laughed with the whiny tone. ''Maybe just for a few minutes, yes.''

She left to retrieve her medical bag from the other room and when she returned she found Jane lying on her stomach in nothing but her sports top and boxer shorts, her shirt gone, thrown carelessly on the floor. At first Maura's mind perceived it as an invitation for something else then the bandages covering Jane's back sunk in and she realised her role now was merely one of a physicians. It hurt but she also knew this was the way she could make at least one thing a little better.

She sat on the edge of the bed, next to Jane and she begun peeling off the first dressing, over Jane's left shoulder blade. The minute her tip of her finger touched the Detective's bare skin Jane's head rose to the pillow and she looked at the doctor with a sober expression.

''It's okay.'' She said to Maura's hesitation. ''I won't break.''

Maura's hands shook and she swallowed audibly as she saw for the first time the damage she had inflicted on Jane's body. She knew that the heavy medication Jane was on would prevent her from feeling the full extent of the injuries but it still had to be painful and yet Jane gave no other indication that she was in pain other than a sharp intake of breath which had nothing to do with her injuries and everything to do with Maura touching her.

''I'm sorry...'' Maura said thickly, tears beginning to trickle down her cheeks once more as she begun redressing every injury with the greatest diligence. ''I'm so sorry.'' She kept repeating like a mantra, bending to place a kiss over each bruise, every time she uncovered a new laceration. Slowly she made her way to the Detective's shoulders and when she reached to touch her bicep Jane rose again and caught the Doctor's lips with hers, a mere brushing of skin on skin, as she sat up slowly. ''I can do the rest myself.'' She said and Maura paused, her eyes still closed, breathing in Jane's scent. Gradually she opened her eye lids and shook her head.

''No...'' She muttered. ''It's my job, I have to do this.''

Jane was about to refuse again when she saw the pleading in doctor's eyes and she finally sighed, resting against the headboard as Maura continued to work down both her arms and her stomach. When she was finally finished Maura looked back at the clock and realised she had spent over an hour changing the dressings and she headed outside the room to clean up her hands and throw away the used ones. Then she brought Jane a glass of water along with each pill she was supposed to take. Just before she entered the bedroom she held up her open palm and picked out the offending post exposure medication, angrily tossing it inside the waste basket when she entered. Jane raised questioning eyebrows at her but didn't comment on it.

''You know.'' She said instead. ''I can do this myself.'' She waved towards the pills and Maura nodded.

''I know you can. I just thought I'd bring them for you.''

''You're going to spoil me, Doctor Isles.'' Jane smiled, before accepting the medication. ''Thank you.''

''Thank _you, _Jane.''

They stared at each other, hating the way a wedge of confusion had been driven between them. Then Jane patted the mattress next to her.

''You promised.'' She said and Maura shook her head.

''I didn't promise, I said maybe...'' She muttered, unsure of being so close to Jane now that the haziness of sleep wasn't clouding their senses.

''Get your ass over here Maura...'' Jane whined, rolling her eyes dramatically and Maura's protests were magically gone. Instead she carefully climbed up the bed and Jane opened her arms, allowing the doctor to settle against her body. She knew Maura's touch was intentionally gentle in order to not cause her any added pain and she was grateful. She felt intoxicated by the sweet smell of Maura's hair, the height difference causing her face to be directly over the doctors head. She leaned in closer, resting her chin on the Doctors head, before pressing a kiss to her forehead.

Maura's voice was small when she spoke. ''Jane?''

''Is this not okay?'' Jane asked, her hand traveling down the small of the Doctors back.

''Not that.'' Maura paused. ''You said you loved me.''

Jane's words were tantalizingly deep and raspy. ''I do.''

''When I was...When they had given me that drug, you said you loved me.''

''I do.'' Jane repeated. ''I love you more than anything in the world.''

They remained silent until Maura's voice came again.

''When did you know?'' She sounded scared, unsure, and Jane hated that.

''When did I know what?'' She asked.

''When did you know that you loved me?''

The taller woman pressed Maura's body against hers, wishing to be able to protect her from this pain. She would hear the insanity worm wiggle around inside Maura's beautiful mind and she wanted that parasite gone.

''I knew I loved you...when I got you that stupid book about growing tea in your back garden for your birthday.'' Jane laughed. ''And you cried so much I had no idea what to do other than hug you. And then you cried some more. I never found out why but something told me to hold you and never let you go that day.''

Maura looked up to her and she was smiling. ''You were the first person to ever acknowledge me. To take the time and do something so nice and considerate.'' She snuggled closer to Jane's chest and sighed. ''Every time Constance wanted to get me a present she would just transfer a sum to an account she had on my name.''

''That sucks...'' Jane sighed.

''And then there was you...'' Maura continued. ''And I had no idea you ever listened to me when I said how much I loved tea and gardening, I mean nobody else did so why would you? And you took all of this time to get me this book and cook dinner for me and pick up my favourite wine, which must have costed at least three times what the book did and I was just...'' She gently traced the outline of Jane's jaw with her finger. ''Speechless.''

Jane chuckled, shaking her head before closing her eyes to savour every minute of Maura's touch. ''Maur?'' She asked.

''Yes?''

''When did you know? That you loved me?''

Maura's fingers left, trailing lower to Jane's neck and letting her index dip into the jugular notch. ''Hmm...'' She mumbled. ''Remember when Hoyt died?''

She immediately felt Jane tense to the mention of the man who had both caused them so much pain. ''Yeah.''

''That week, when I came back home I couldn't sleep. It went on for days and I was just so terrified every night. Remember I called you once and you stayed over?''

''Yes.''

''That night you walked inside this bedroom and you opened every closet, secured every window, even checked under my bed, to prove to me that I was safe.'' She didn't look up at Jane as she brushed her thumb over her colarbone. ''You made me feel safe and you never, not even once made me feel foolish for being afraid. My own mother has never done that yet you even tucked me in bed. That night I finally slept.'' She finally brought her eyes to look at the Detective who was listening attentively. ''When I woke up.'' Maura said. ''I knew I was in love with you, Jane.''

Jane reached, gathering Maura's hands in her own. ''You were thinking of him.'' She said. ''When Amaro asked you whom you hate the most you were thinking of him.'' She didn't say the name out loud, it wasn't necessary as she leaned to kiss the thin white scar Hoyt's scalpel had left on Maura's perfect neck.

''I hate him.'' Maura said, shivering as Jane's lips found the spot where her jaw and ear met.

''I don't.'' The Detective pulled away to smile at her.

''How can you not?'' The Doctor asked, grinding her teeth. ''That vile man terrorized you for years.''

''He is what brought us together.'' Jane cupped Maura's cheeks. ''When he had his hands on you I knew I could never let him hurt you. I knew I would kill him.'' She run her fingers through the honey blond hair. ''He thought he would hurt us, let the fear drive us apart, like Amaro did. But they both failed.'' She slowly pulled Maura's shirt over her head. ''They have only managed to bring us closer together, make us realise what we have to lose.'' She rose to her knees as Maura laid down on her back. ''I don't hate them, Maur, I pity them.''

''I became like him...'' The Doctor whispered. ''I became just like Hoyt, just like he had said I would.'' Her eyes shone with unshed tears. Slowly Jane brought her body closer to hers and at first Maura was scared the touch would be rough, a form of retaliation for the abuse the Detective had suffered in her hands but soon she realised that wasn't the case.

''You're nothing like him.'' Jane whispered in her ear. ''You're the only beautiful thing in my world.'' Maura felt calloused fingers run over her exposed stomach. ''In the end of the day Hoyt is dead and Amaro will spend the rest of his life in jail when Frost and Korsak get them, and they will, trust me. They have nothing, but I...'' She let her hands rest on Maura's chest. ''I am the happiest woman in the world, because I have _you,_ Maura Isles.''

THE END

_**Um, so this is the end, don't kill me. I think its appropriate to let out two ladies enjoy life. I wanna thank all of you who followed this story, read/reviewed. It meant a lot to me and it always hurts a writer to finish a story but I already have another story line in mind, something out of the fantasy genre which I cant wait to type out. Please review and let me know what you think of this conclusion, love ya'll**_  
_**LK**_


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